2005/07/30 09:41pm

剛剛才洗完澡，把所有的東西整理好，再把notebook連接好，就坐到書桌前開始打我的blog了。。。

今天7月30號，知道是什麽日子嗎？是庭妹妹和英達來我吉隆坡新家的日子耶~~~ 真的好開心哦，之前還在想說庭妹應該會到9月多才可能來找我，沒想到今天就可以見到幾個月不見的庭妹了~~~ 只可惜，佳雯今天去了她堂哥那裏，不然的話我們四個人就可以聊個沒完沒了了，哈哈~

在food avenue那裏吃完實在不怎麽樣的午餐之後，我就把他們領到我家來了，一屁股坐進我的房間，姐妹倆就忙著聊最近各自身邊發生的事，把可憐的英達冷落在一邊悶悶地看報紙，真是不好意思卻又無可奈何啊。。。

最最最最最最最重要的就是，今晚的晚餐是我親自下廚的哦，我煮了炒雞肉，蠔油生菜還有煎蛋，而英達呢就幫我煮了一鍋釀豆腐湯和剛好夠我們3個人吃的飯，除了蠔油生菜之外，雞肉和雞蛋都咸了點，至於英達的湯呢庭妹說淡了一點，不過啊吃得開心最重要，看到他們都喜歡我做的菜，還真是有點驕傲呢，誰說慧云我是嬌嬌女啦，我可是會做飯的耶，雖然鹹味的拿捏還不是很好，可是這只是經過兩個星期的“實習”耶，想著想著還真是有點飄飄然的感覺呢，呵呵。。。

吃過晚餐之後，庭妹和英達本來打算7點就要走人，然後庭妹去外婆家，英達回宿舍，可是啊我們又決定再一次狠心地把英達抛到一邊（哦不，這一次更狠，我們直接把他丟到客廳去。。。）姐妹倆就窩在房裏，聊了一些只屬於我們的秘密，聊著聊著就到8點半了，哈哈，可憐的英達就在客廳把小叮噹、F1和馬來新聞看完了，才盼到我們慢慢地從房裏摸出來，收拾了一下東西，大概接近9點就離開了。。。

其實今天最大的收穫，就是可以和庭妹面對面聊了一個多小時，把之前我們發生的、卻沒機會告訴對方的事情通通一次過給對方update了，感覺上就像是把心裏囤積了很久的貨品通通清倉完畢，心裏也變得輕盈好多。。。聊了很多，朋友、感情。。。今天庭妹看到我第一眼就說“云姐姐你變得好成熟~”可是跟庭妹聊過之後，我卻也覺得庭妹成熟了很多，大家真的都長大了吧。。。有些時候，父母總是覺得我們這個年紀的孩子除了念書的壓力之外，不該會有什麽煩惱，也不該會有太成熟的想法的，可是我總覺得，其實我們都有了自己應有的想法，而且往往都比父母們知道的都還要成熟、有見地。。。正因爲這樣我們承受的除了孩子該有的壓力，也夾雜著成人的愁緒，19嵗的過渡期，希望往後再次回味時，淡淡的香味足以彌蓋不經意的苦意。。。（這一段，應該只有庭妹才明白個中的含義吧。。。）

哎喲，11點了，該睡了，如果醒得早應該還可以再讀一讀那個實際上只有0.8秒卻耗了我幾天的心臟周期，唉~~ 晚安囖。。。

2005/07/17 02:36pm

這個時候的我，已經在吉隆坡了，室友昨晚整理東西忙到太晚，現在在睡覺，剩我一個在客廳，一邊聼石康軍的歌一邊打blog。。。昨天二哥和媽媽把我載上來，媽媽幫我打掃房子，東抹抹西抹抹的，什麽都弄得乾乾淨淨的，剩下的時間還可以幫我把衣服都吊在衣櫥裏，讓我省下了不少時間；嘿嘿我也沒有閑著哦，我和二哥在客廳看著説明書，花了一個下午把我的書桌書櫥給“拼”出來了，之後二哥還幫我洗了冷氣，抹了風扇，幫了曬衣服的繩子。。。哇做了好多好多事，不知不覺就到六點了，沖好涼之後我們就一起去吃晚餐，然後他們接近晚上七點半就開車囘新山了。。。

報了那麽多的流水帳，想說的是，我又離開了溫暖的狗窩，除了室友之外，就剩我一個人了。。。昨晚在二哥媽媽離開后、室友回來之前的那段時間，把房間剩下的零零碎碎的工作完成，刹那間，我又哭了。。。哎喲，我好討厭那麽善感的自己，動不動就哭哭哭，可是眼淚就是沒辦法控制地拼命飆。。。其實本來已經習慣了吉隆坡的生活了，可是不知怎麽的，和媽媽二哥說了再見后關上大門，心就一直往下沉沉沉，眼淚也開始醖釀了。。。原來我是個既怕孤單又怕寂寞的人，本來我以爲我只怕寂寞，不怕孤單，可是漸漸地我發現我以前對孤單的定義有點偏差，怎麽說呢。。。我以爲能夠把自己關在房間裏一整天就是不怕孤單，可是那是因爲我知道房門外有人在，整間房子我不是一個人的，所以我才能安心地待在房間，不會去想到“孤單”“害怕”的感覺。。。

剛剛在洗衣服的時候，媽媽打電話來找我聊天，今天禮拜天爸爸和二哥都出門了，就剩下媽媽一個人在家，之前的一個月都會有我陪著她。。。媽媽打來就是問我東西收拾好了沒，然後再跟我說昨天和今天家裏發生了什麽事。。。我以爲昨晚只有我一個人睡不著，每個鐘頭都爬起來一次，原來媽媽也是一樣…“昨晚本來回到新山已經很累了，躺在床上卻睡不著，想到你回來才一個月，現在又回去了，家裏接下來幾個月又聼不到你的聲音了。。。”鼻頭痠痠的，卻又強忍著哽咽，說媽媽好肉麻。。。又聼媽媽說昨晚二哥十一點到家之後一直在跟爸爸抱怨“不是講好我跟媽媽在阿云那裏陪她過一夜,隔天才回來囖，剛才又打電話催我們回來，要兩個禮拜后才可以看到她了咧。。。”鼻頭又再痠到不行了，沒辦法講話了，只能跟媽媽打哈哈。。。

還好這次是跟一群好朋友一起搬進來住，否則以我這種情緒，怎麽跟新朋友培養感情啊？？唉，多愁善感的慧云，你夠了吧，都19嵗了，淚腺還是那麽發達哦。。。

just happened to pass by...

yeah finally I can type my blog directly here …

going to KL tomorrow, early in the morning, my brother fetching me there … wow, I have been in Johor for 1 month already, how time flies … tomorrow I will be going back to my normal life, I mean no more luxurious enjoying, nice mummy’s cooking, shopping everyday …

but never mind, I gotta get used to this, so that I won’t be crying for 1 week again … will I be like that ? erm … honestly no idea ^^

thought of yesterday’s singing contest … Hagen is out ~~~~~~ oh my God, he’s so handsome, I thought all the girls will simply call to support him, but then I was not sad about it, according to their performances yesterday, he ought to be out …

don’t feel like typing much now … maybe you guys wil see me few days after … gotta miss me k ??? smuakies~~

hehe, today’s post…a nice passage…

呜呜呜~~~~真的好感人的

桌两边，坐了男人和女人。

“我喜欢你。”女人一边摆弄着手里的酒杯，一边淡淡的说着。

“我有老婆。”男人摸抛约旱氖稚系慕渲浮?nbsp;

“我不在乎，我只想知道，你的感觉。你，喜欢我嘛？”

意料中的答案。男人抬起头，打量着对面的女人。

24岁，年轻，有朝气，相当不错的年纪。

白皙的皮肤，充满活力的身体，一双明亮的，会说话的眼睛。

真是不错的女人啊，可惜。

“如果你也喜欢我，我不介意作你的情人。”女人终于等不下去，追加了一句。

“我爱我妻子。”? 男人坚定的回答。

“你爱她？爱她什么？现在的她，应该已经年老色衰，见不得人了吧。

否则，公司的晚宴，怎么从来不见你带她来……”

女人还想继续，可接触到男人冷冷的目光后，打消了念头。

静……

“你喜欢我什么？”男人开口了。

“成熟，稳重，动作举止很有男人味，懂得关心人，很多很多。反正，和我之前见过的人不同。你很特别。”

“你知道三年前的我，什么样子？”男人点了颗烟。

“不知道。我不在乎，即使你坐过牢。”

“三年前，我就是你现在眼里的那些普通男人。”男人没理会女人，继续说。

“普通大学毕业，工作不顺心，整天喝酒，发脾气。对女孩子爱理不理，***来发泄自己的欲求不满。还因为去夜总会找小姐，被警察抓过。”

“那怎么？”女人有了兴趣，想知道是什么，让男人转变的。“因为她？”

“嗯。”

“她那个人，好像总能很容易就能看到事情的内在。教我很多东西，让我别太计较得失；别太在乎眼前的事；让我尽量待人和善。那时的我在她面前，就像少不更事的孩子。也许那感觉，就和现在你对我的感觉差不多。那时真的很奇怪，倔脾气的我，只是听她的话。按照她说的，接受现实，知道自己没用，就努力工作。那年年底，工作上，稍微有了起色，我们结婚了。”

男人弹了弹烟灰，继续说着。

“那时，真是苦日子。两个人，一张床，家里的家具，也少的可怜。知道吗？结婚一年，我才给她买了第一颗钻戒，存了大半年的钱呢。当然，是背着她存的。若她知道了，是肯定不让的。”

“那阵子，烟酒弄得身体不好。大冬天的，她每天晚上睡前还要给我熬汤喝。那味道，也只有她做得出。”

男人沉醉于那回忆里，忘记了时间，只是不停的讲述着往事。

而女人，也丝毫没有打扰的意思，就静静地听着。

等男人注意到时间，已经晚上10点了。

“啊，对不起，没注意时间，已经这么晚了。”男人歉意的笑了笑。

“现在，你可以理解嘛？我不可能，也不会， 作对不起她的事。”

“啊，知道了。输给这样子的人，心服口服咯。”女人无奈地摇了摇头。“不过我到了她的年纪，会更棒的。”

“嗯。那就可以找到更好的男人。不是吗？

很晚了，家里的汤要冷了，我送你回去。”男人站起身，想送女人。

“不了，我自己回去可以了。”女人摆了摆手。“回去吧，别让她等急了。”

男人会心的笑了笑，转身要走。

“她漂亮嘛？”

“。。。。。。。。。。。。。。嗯，很美。”

男人的身影消失在夜色中，留下女人，对着蜡烛。发呆。

男人回到家，推开门，径直走到卧室，打开了台灯。

沿着床边，坐了下来。

“老婆，已经第四个了。干吗让我变成这么好，好多人喜欢我呀。搞不好，我会变心呀 。干吗把我变成这么好，自己却先走了？ 我，我一个人，好孤单呀。”

男人哽咽的说着，终于泣不成声。

眼泪，一滴滴的从男人的脸颊流下，打在手心里的相框上。昏暗的灯光中，旧照片里， 弥漫着的，是已逝女子，淡淡的温柔!

so touched … but so pityful … if I were that woman, I would rather my husband fall in love with another girl, another better girl …

2005/07/12 10:52pm

suddenly had a strong feeling that my English is rusting, erm, the rusting reaction should be second order, which is proportional to the time I spent to play and the days I speak mandarin thoroughly without English… ha-ha, well I doubt my chemistry is rusting too … *thinking*

just switched on my laptop, for no reason, maybe I just felt like typing something while listening to Jones’s songs… yeah the singer I introduced in previous post before, he really possesses very nice voice and it’s very comfortable to listen to his songs during the night … and I suppose after this I will be listening Jay’s songs… actually I had already disliked Jay a little bit, maybe I have already got fed up with his music, but that day I was watching the singing contest organized by channel U, “絕對Superstar”, there was one contestant sang Jay’s 藉口, it’s damn nice!! And only then I knew that this song got very nice lyrics, how could I listen to七里香 for only once and then simply dumped it into my cupboard ??!!??

And that superstar contest, I really don’t know what happened to Singaporeans, how could they vote for someone who obviously cannot sing well, instead of someone who has the ability to perform a very difficult song in perfect way??? Well I think the moral value of this contest might be “it’s really important to have as many as possible friends, so that during this type of contest they can really pour out their money to call to support you”!!!!!!!!!!! #&*(*&^$$ %^&*() really angry over this ~~ But then I will always support my favorite contestant, Derrick, he’s the best ever ^^

Ooops, I am yawning, I suppose I am tired, gotta put an end here. Love you guys ^^

2005/07/07

Actually when I started to type my blog, as usual, I was typing the 1st paragraph to explain why I didn’t post my blog for few days, but suddenly, I thought of something, then I erased everything I had typed. THIS IS MY BLOG, why should I always try to explain why I didn’t post, is it so important to those reading my blog? Maybe yeah, it is, but since I am here, those my friends should felt happier for my appearance rather than waiting for my explanation, shouldn’t they? Well, I spent one paragraph to explain AGAIN~~

Monday, I went to my 3rd uncle’s house, with my mum, to give my cousin sister the red packet, she’s getting married on Saturday. Actually I knew this two weeks ago I suppose, but the thing that surprised me is, she is actually the same age with me, maybe few months elder, while her husband is few years older than her … erm, maybe I shouldn’t feel surprised, as we all know sometimes, accident does happen (sorry to say it bluntly) but yet, when I went to her house, she showed me the pictures taken, I was quite … erm … how to say? If you were an adult, obviously you wouldn’t felt too shocked to see your peer getting married before you, but the girl I know, is my 19-year-old cousin sister, can you guys imagine my feeling? Sigh, until now my dad still teased me that I haven’t got myself a boyfriend, not mention to HUSBAND, ha-ha~~~

Wednesday, I got my 1st semester result at 10:30am, wow~~ I passed all my subjects, with 4As and 1B, ha-ha, I am so proud of myself…. Aiyo I am just bluffing, you guys don’t know how nervous I was since I came back from KL, because according to IMU exam rules and regulation, if one couldn’t pass any one or more than one subjects, one should resit for the exam one week before 2nd semester, before proceeding to 2nd semester, so can you imagine if my dad knew that I didn’t pass, and I have to rush back to resit, wouldn’t he kill me?? Ha-ha, but in fact, I PASSED ~~~

Thursday, I was watching the result of the channel U superstar contest, before the result released, I was discussing with my daddy, saying that the contestant M5 William is the best among all, and I even told my dad that if William got eliminated then it proved the injustice in the world, and the fact is, the result did prove it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD, does it mean “no friends = no chance”?? I hate it man ~ I liked William!!! Humph, and that F4 Li-Jun she was not good also, I don’t know how come F3 got eliminated instead of her???!!!

Erm, so far should be this, I think I got to stop here, before my dad off the main switch directly, ha-ha, good night everyone ^^

05 July 09:27am

haha, I like this time …..

actually already typed the blog at home, but I saved it in my laptop and now I am using the desktop at my old house … maybe next time, few days after ….

just wanna come and let everyone know that I am still alive, haha, having great time at Johor, tomorrow I will be going out with my wife also, haha, so happy, for about 9 months I didn’t see her already *shocked* how time flies ~~

anyway, gotta stop here, don’t want to spend the space here bullshiting, hehe, good day to everyone, love ya ~~

for dear magichera~~

@Magichera: Happy to see you, a super big fans of hongming also, posting at my blog … surely I won’t mind posting the lyrics here, I am always glad to share my favourite music with my friends ^^

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愛我的人和我愛的人

================

盼不到我愛的人　我知道我願意再等

疼不了愛我的人　片刻柔情他騙不了人

我不是無情的人　卻將你傷的最深

我不忍　我不能　

別再認真忘了我的人

離不開我愛的人　我知道愛需要緣份

放不下愛我的人　因為了解他多麼認真

為什麼最真的心　碰不到最好的人

我不問　我不能　

擁在懷中直到它變冷

愛我的人對我癡心不悔　

我卻為我愛的人甘心一生傷悲

在乎的人始終不對　

誰對誰不必虛偽

愛我的人為我付出一切　

我卻為我愛的人流淚狂亂心碎

愛與被愛同樣受罪　

為什麼不懂拒絕癡情的包圍

********************

I like this song very much also … once it indicated my mind thoroughly … hope you’ll like it … do you mind leaving your msn id here ? we might be able to chat there … or you can go over hongming’s official website : http://www.chrisyu.idv.tw/documate.asp