Saturday 31 December 2005

给你生活的忠告

多吃些粗粮.
给别人比他们自己期许的更多,并且用心去做
熟记你喜欢的诗歌
不要轻信你听到的每件事,不要花光你的所有,不要想睡多久就睡多久。
无论何时说“我爱你”,请真心实意。
无论何时说“对不起”,请看着对方的眼睛。
相信一见钟情。
永远不要忽视别人的梦想。
深情热烈地爱,也许你会受伤,但这是使人生完整的唯一方法。
用一种明确的方法解决争议,不要冒犯。
永远不要以貌取人。
慢慢地说,但要迅速地想。
当别人问你不想回答的问题时,笑着说“你为什么想知道?”
记住那些敢于承担最大风险的人才能得到最深的爱和最大的成就。
给妈妈打电话。如果不行,至少在心里想着她。
当别人打喷嚏时,说一声“菩萨保佑”。
如果你失败了,千万不要忘记汲取教训。
记住三个“尊”:尊重你自己;尊重别人;保持尊严,对自己的行为负责。
不要让小小的争端损毁了一段伟大的友谊。
无论何时你发现自己做错了,竭尽所能去弥补。动作要快!
无论什么时候打电话,摘起话筒的时候请微笑,因为对方能感觉到!
找一个你爱聊的人结婚 , 因为当年龄大了以后,你会发觉喜欢聊天是一个人最大的优点。
找点时间,单独呆会儿。
欣然接收改变,但是不要摒弃你的个人理念。
记住,沉默是金。
多看点书,少看点电视。
过一种高尚而诚实的生活。当你年老时回想起过去,你就能再一次享受人生。
相信上帝,但是别忘了锁门。
家庭的融洽氛围是难能可贵的。
尽你的全力让家平顺和谐。
当你和你亲近的人吵嘴的时候,试着就事论事,不要扯出那些陈芝麻,烂谷子的事。
不要摆脱不了昨天。
多注意言下之意。
和别人分享你的知识,那才是永恒之道!
善待我们的地球。
不要愚弄自然母亲。
忙自己该做的事。
不要相信接吻时从不闭眼的伴侣。
每年至少去一个你从没去过的地方。
如果你赚了很多钱,在活着的时候多行善事。这是你能得到的最好回报。
记住有时候,不是最好的收获也是一种好运。
深刻理解所有的规则,合理地更新他们。
记住:最好的关系存在于对别人的爱胜于对别人的索求之上。
回头看看你发誓取得的目标,然后评判你到底有多成功。
无论是烹调还是爱情,都用百分之百的负责态度对待,但是不要期求太多的回报。

Tuesday 20 December 2005

從12月18號晚上開始。。。

1. 又再看了一遍《惡魔在身邊》大結局。呵呵,還是很難忘的說!江猛,帥的咧~不過啊,如果有這樣的男朋友也是喜憂參半的吧!我已經那麽霸道了,再來一個像這樣的男人,不搞到火星撞地球才怪咧。突然覺得,現在的戲劇裏頭的角色,已經越來越生活化了。以前戯裏的男女主角一定都是那種好到神經病的大好人,絕對找不到一絲的缺點;而那些奸角呢,就會是坏到連菜渣都不如,完全不知“良心”為何物的傢伙。可是現在的主角,雖然都還是好人,可是卻有著現實生活中也無法接受的瑕疵,比方説∶脾氣不好啦,囂張啦等等。所以。。。結論就是∶這個世界上是不可能有濫好人的,就連超脫現實的戲劇也覺得這种人已經絕種了~~

2. 剛剛sms給“他”哦。上次聼直屬學姐說他們這個星期有測驗,但是也不知道到底是星期幾。算了隨便吧,反正我也會找不同的藉口sms他,就祝他這星期考試順利,再加上常說的那句“晚安,想你喲!”吧!其實最主要的目的,還是希望他隔了將近一個月后,不會把我給忘了。再加上,我連他是不是記得我的名字,我也不很確定,因爲。。。在認識對方的過程當中,好像沒有很正式地介紹名字這個環節。Sms完之後,我很刻意地把電話留在房裏,然後走到客廳東摸西摸,為的就是讓自己緩衝“如果他沒囘覆我”這件事。不到3分鐘,還是拗不過自己的雙腳,走到房間去。。。哇~~他竟然已經reply給我了耶!第一句就“hi Hui Hoon。。。”他真的有記得我的名字耶!我的天啊,雖然知道這其實是蠻微不足道的,可是。。。就是讓我開心了一整夜了呢~~

想學庭妹妹那樣,在帖子的最後附上一首歌。喜歡這首歌的原因就只有兩個,應該。。。很好猜吧?呵~

********************
理想情人

穿上洋裝 看著手錶
時間快到 心碰碰的跳
和你的第一次約會來臨了
金色的陽光灑滿人行道
換了新脣膏把頭髮弄好
要你看到我的好
喜歡看你走路充滿自信
說話時候你的專注眼神
溫柔的表情笑容裡的天真
我相信 找不到有比你更好的人
你心裡理想情人是幾分
是否也會有我的份

好想知道你的100分
會給怎樣的人
親愛的你不要再陌生
增加我戲份
我想問 親愛的你
把感情升等
朋友變成情人
可不可以 告訴我標準
不要(讓)我一直等

聽著那時間滴答的走
對街的你在點頭
好像一個夢
漸漸走到我前頭

Sunday 18 December 2005

昨晚終于追完《惡魔在身邊》了。。。

呵呵,終于讓我把《惡魔》追完了,每晚都撐到12點,不是開玩笑的咧。。。

甜蜜了兩個禮拜,終于下檔了。不過,對這部偶像劇還是有點“驚艷”的,畢竟還是有一些小小限制級的對白了,不像之前的那些,男女主角對於那檔事還扮清純,受不了!昨天看大結局的時候,阿猛和小悅臨別之際,終于還是上賓館了,尺度對我來説還ok啦,只不過,讓我比較臉紅心跳的是,小美和丞琳接吻的時候,小美有伸舌頭!!!厚厚厚,我這個色女。。。不過如果自己的男朋友吻功也那麽好的話,還真是,哎喲~ 臉紅!

不過丫,還是因爲很喜歡賀軍翔的關係啦,再加上楊丞琳真的粉可愛~,所以覺得很好看。不過這次比較特殊啦,我沒有因爲這部戯而真的迷戀上賀小美,不知怎麽的,我可以很輕易地把“賀軍翔”和“江猛”區分開來,怪厚?

好啦,現在什麽戯都追完了,假期也快過完了,真的是蹉跎歲月哦,不過,還是有滿足啦。
爸爸上個星期二到吉隆坡做白内障手術,手術很成功,看到爸爸因爲眼睛看得到了而那麽地開心,心裏也是很高興的。這幾天,醫生交待我要每兩個小時幫爸爸滴眼藥水,才發現原來自己還是會照顧人的咧,連爸爸那麽難搞的人都說我把他照顧到無微不至到~ 他覺得我很雞婆,哈哈!

所以,其實,我還算是有優點的吧!我雖然沒有天使臉孔魔鬼身材,我還是有被愛的資格吧,只要你願意用心了解我。。。

Monday 5 December 2005

心血來潮的想post。。。

昨天終于把“星之金幣”看完了。。。

又名“白色之戀”。。。原來就是這部哦,剛跟佳雯拿到VCD的時候是這麽想的,聽説這部日劇堪稱經典之作,也是因爲這部日劇,讓大家認識了酒井法子、竹野内豐、和我現在超愛的大澤隆夫。
故事其實很簡單普通,而且有點小煽情,不過因爲這部日劇是1995年的,所以選擇相信後期的日韓中港台新馬劇是從這裏延續劇種(呵呵,這純粹只是外行人的臆測)

故事的主軸是圍繞在一個不能說話,也聽不到的護士"阿彩"(酒井法子),與一個情深的醫師"秀一"(大澤隆夫), 以及秀一的弟弟"拓巳"(竹野内豐), 他們三人間的故事.秀一所述說的故事 “星星的金幣", 故事中的小女孩其實也就是阿彩的寫照,阿彩身理雖然有缺陷, 但她卻願意毫無保留地將自己所有的愛, 散播給身邊所有需要愛的人.

故事的結局,秀一和阿彩結婚之際,有個壞人(故事太複雜,概括全論,就不是個好人)把秀一刺傷了,按著流血的傷口趕到教堂的秀一,在還沒來得及為阿彩戴上戒指的時候,倒地了。因爲意外失明的阿彩,得到秀一的眼角膜,囘覆視力后一人回到北海道,決心養大肚裏和秀一的愛情結晶。。。
很煽情哦?而且跟很多故事很像哦?可是記得,這是1995年的戯哦。。。

很喜歡三個主角的演出,之前對酒井法子的印象停留在“同一屋簷下”,“沙灘男孩”的竹野内豐,至於大澤隆夫?恕我愚昧,我還真不知道是誰(當然,這是在看《在世界中心呼喊愛》之前)。三人在戯裏表現得很實力派,雖然當年這部日劇被歸類為“偶像劇”;配角的演技也都很入木三分,沒有假假地念臺詞,看完這部戯,就像洗了一場三溫暖后躺在沙發床上享受一杯葡萄酒,舒服!

重點是:真的喜歡上大澤隆夫了。去翻翻他的新聞,一些網友對於他在《在世界中心呼喊愛》裏的評價:“長得不算帥,單眼皮,甚至五官長得有點怪。。。可是就是覺得他有那種很致命的吸引力,讓人很想多看一眼”(對對對。。。)、“戯裏憶起舊愛時的失聲痛哭,讓聞者的心也跟著他揪起來。”(厚,對對對。。。)所以要說的重點是:他真的是一位很優秀,有外形也有實力的演員,厚厚厚,我的新最愛,哈哈。

看來,我會在中毒一陣子。如果以後,常常很故意地不小心,把大澤隆夫挂在嘴邊,請原諒犯毒癮卻苦尋無解葯的–我。

Tuesday 29 November 2005

在看<星星的金币>…

其实人都是自私的,纵使心里多么地想成为一个很好的人,只要是发现一些对自己不利的事情,潜意识里还是会选择保密,做坏人也好,也不能揭发…小时候会觉得,这种人好卑鄙,可是长大后,站在那个人的角度来看,人不为己天诛地灭何尝不是活下去的不二法则…这个世界果然没有绝对的是非对错…

Friday 18 November 2005

free...

Just finished my exam yesterday, left KL at around 1:45pm after celebrating my early birthday with my housemates, reached JB around 5pm yesterday (discovered that i have been typing this in msn and sms …)

So conclusion, I am free now.So, that means, I am available for dating.Nevertheless, I might not be able to come out… as you guys always know.

Happy 19th birthday to chuchu !!

**********

I think alot of people read this before…

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival,your phone is quiet.You are desperately waiting for the call!At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail fromthat special someone than other many long e-mails,you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all themessages in your answering machine because of one messagefrom that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, “that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person’s special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this page, if someoneappears in your mind,then u are in love with that person.

erm… haha. dunno what to say. just… posting. Just wondering when he read this, whether he’ll know that i was thinking of him when I read this.

Thursday 10 November 2005

2005/11/9 10:42pm

發生時間排名不分先後

1. 買了五月天的《知足最真傑作選2005》。正在聼著第二首歌《牙關》。其實買這張專輯的動力,除了是漸漸喜歡並且想擁有五月天以前的很多首歌,最主要的還是因爲子威格格。那晚跟他在msn聊了很久,聊得很透,他推薦我《知足》這首歌,這首他的girl girl推薦給他的歌。聊完之後、睡覺之前,我還一直在想同一個問題:以前初二就認識子威了,而且他是班上少數又有樣貌又有腦的才子耶,爲什麽當初沒有喜歡上他?連令我心跳加速的感覺都沒有!呵呵,真是不了(liao3)。。。

2. 最近發現我跟我哥的默契真的好到不行,不管發生什麽事,我發現我腦子裏想說的都跟我哥想的一樣,一件事情發生后,在決定要不要發言的少於3秒的瞬間,我哥就會說出跟我想的一模一樣的臺詞,這种情況在這兩個禮拜内發生了不下20次耶,真的!厚,那種感覺真的很發毛耶~~不知道有時候在我選擇發言的時候,他會不會也在心裏暗暗吃了一驚?

3. 終于知道那時候靠在凱旋肩膀上哭的時候,他唱給我聼的那首歌的歌名。是Beyond的《最後的答案》。再去翻翻歌詞,還是記得當時心裏頭,和凱旋肩膀的暖暖的感覺。其實,朋友,就這麽囘事嘛。

4. 很受不了自己的讀書態度。書是讀完了,比校方給的3個星期早了1個星期解決掉,可是真的是懶得去復習,真的懶到~~~~不行啊!雖然這個學期的這一科physiology加上報告是不會很難及格的,可是只要求及格並不是我一貫的作風,再加上我爸應該會把我幹掉之類的,所以還是要努力一點。好吧,就撐過這個星期,一切就ok了,慧云加油哦!

5. 那天庭妹打給我,問我那時候追《阿誠》的時候知不知道有多少集,結果我們這兩個雙十年華的少女竟然在電話裏聊了大約15分鐘的臺灣鄉土劇,哈哈!結果昨天看TVBS-G康永哥主持的《真情指數》,哇靠,嘉賓竟然是陳昭榮!先不說内容,陳昭榮的聲音還真是man到不行,我的理想“男聲”耶,如果這把聲音在我耳邊說“我愛你”之類的話,我真的會立刻化成一灘。。。油!而且看他說話的表情,真的很像振益哥哥耶,笑聲動作都很像,前幾天喉嚨痛還去他的診所找他,他還是那麽關心人。。。陳昭榮說他連演了《阿誠》和《霹靂火》400++集的濫好人,生心理都不勝負荷,結果殺青之後還得放逐自己讓自己沉澱半個月,演戲都那麽累了,那些一輩子的濫好人,不累嗎?還是麻木了?

6. 上次去兒媳婦的部落格逛逛,結果看到兒子和媳婦的親密照片,差點沒讓我的臉在電腦前一陣紅一陣白,哈哈!這樣也好,以後至少我真的生了兒子,看到這种照片我還不會覺得太吃驚,有經驗了嘛!不過啊,妒嫉多多少少是有的,我怎麽都還沒遇到我的那個半圓啊?那天有個人sms我,問我“云姐,爲什麽你會喜歡一個人?”正打算按著手機準備長篇大論的時候,我竟然發現,我回答不出來。那個人應該等我的答覆等了滿久的,心裏頭有很多想說的,可是再想想,這些我本來準備好的答案的問題應該是“你希望喜歡一個怎麽樣的人”或者“你會怎麽樣去喜歡一個人”,而不是“爲什麽喜歡一個人”,不知道那天我給的答案到底有沒有幫到他。。。

7. “男人不怕走在黑暗中,只怕心中沒有陽光”—阿誠拍的信用卡廣告的文案。沒什麽,只是想記下來。

8. 正在聼《溫柔》,不知道爲什麽每次聽到這首歌就會想到康成,就好像每次聽到某一首歌就會想起一個人。有點想把他(它)們列出來。
溫柔∶康成
知足∶子威
陪你一起老∶影勇
不哭∶寳榮
最浪漫的事∶Albert
愛錯了∶勇豪
這一秒你好不好∶海乾
七月七日情∶德鑫
我在身邊∶凱旋
半島鉄盒∶KahJoe
孟婆湯∶桂蓉
我真的受傷了∶俊豪
靠近一點∶瑋庭
黃昏∶光宏
應該還有很多吧,暫時只想得到這些,有些人是因爲跟我或者我跟他分享了那首歌,有些人是因爲和歌裏的人很像,有些是因爲這首歌在我們兩人之間產生了很微妙的變化,像催化劑一樣。。。

9. 所以就是這樣了,12點了哦,晚安哦,nitez and sweet dream~

Thursday 27 October 2005

My first time...

Haha, this is the first time i use my handphone to online and update my blog, kinda interesting, haha.

Erm nothing to update lah, just to inform everyone that i have already come back to JB, around 5pm last friday. However i have to study for my physio, damn alot ah. So, maybe i’ll just stay at home and study, instead of fooling around, haha.

Ok gotta stop here. Good day and love ya

Thursday 20 October 2005

A penny for thought…

一個沒有目的的下午。。。

** ** **

昨天剛剛把foundation pharmacy的presentation解決掉,回來之後就把房間的桌子書櫥統統擦得乾乾淨淨,然後也把房間地板抹得光滑溜溜的,洗了一個很舒服的澡,然後把禮拜五要帶囘新山的行李準備好,整理到淩晨兩點吧,無所謂地翻著吳若權的《你知不知道我好愛你》慢慢地進入夢鄉。。。

起床的時候應該已經10點半了吧,足足睡飽8個小時,起床的那一刻突然有種想法,如果我一直就這樣癱著不要起來,在乎我的人會不會也因此沉淪在看不見陽光的世界裏?地球不停地轉,與此同時又有多少人會爲了我而停下腳步?是個笨問題吧,笨得沒有人有辦法給我一個答案。

** ** **

果然是無聊得可以,竟然又把《魔女之條件》給它看完了,師生戀多麽地勇敢啊,真是讓人感動,不過如果發生在現實社會裏,肯定找不到像松島菜菜子和瀧澤秀明這樣的配搭,看起來一定是噁心多過感動。。。原來,我也像戯裏的甲乙丙丁戊一樣,是那麽地不齒這種行徑,不過只是一部純屬虛構的戯,我又何必太認真呢?

** ** **

神州六號回來囖!記得上次神州五號回來的時候,看到楊利偉也不至於那麽興奮,可是這次看到電視直播費俊龍和聶海勝從太空艙裏爬出來,然後對著鏡頭說感謝祖國和人民的愛戴,眼淚竟然莫名其妙地流了出來,想要繼續哭飽一頓又好像有點過頭了,所以只好把電視關了,再回到自己的房間感動。

可是幾乎是同一時間,就看道報導說巴金老人撒手歸西了,雖然對文學並沒有特別熱衷,一代文壇巨匠的逝世還是讓人感到既痛心卻又安慰。不是說之前他一直要求要安樂死嗎?現在的他應該是很安詳地去到天國了吧!

當那麽令人激動和令人惋惜的事同時發生時,那個現在在日本沒有任何人可以挑戰其地位的小泉純一郎,竟然選在同一天去參拜靖囯神社,不過是穿著西裝,只用了5分鐘的時間就閃人了。中國官方指責為甚麼選在中國舉國歡騰的時候,又要讓一眾炎黃子孫大動肝火,那個可愛到不行的日本官方發言人竟然說“爲什麽神六選在同一天回返地球?!”嗯。。。這樣的話我懂了,改次神州七號回返地球之前,應該打聽清楚小泉先生什麽時候把三跪九叩都做完了,再回來也不遲,是這樣嗎?呵,可笑~~~

** ** **

最近情緒又有點不穩定了,有跡可尋地、我發現我在重復著高二那年做過的傻事:在心裏慢慢醖釀,從一開始一直地不確定,到後來義無反顧地相信,雖然在這當兒,在這個必須存在兩個人的故事裏,我依然唱著獨角戲。。。高二的那一齣,我唱了兩年才甘心一個人謝幕,現在我真的不想再一個人站在臺上一個人演完了,真的會累的咧!怎麽辦才好呢?必須等到泥足深陷才發現必須忍痛抽身嗎?還是要不顧一切飛蛾撲火呢?。。。呵呵,其實我現在還是處於不確定的狀態,只要堅持不相信,就不會那麽痛了不是嗎?頂多,只是感覺胃酸通通湧到心臟裏攪了幾下而已吧!

– 這一段,寫給好像真的看不懂華文,卻又懂得發中文版有色笑話訊息給我的– 你,一個讓人那麽進退兩難的你,一個讓人捉摸不定的你,一個我也不知道身邊有沒有另外一個人的你。。。 呵呵,寫完這段的同時,我好像,已經相信了—可以,相信嗎?

Friday 30 September 2005

2005/9/29 11:09pm

Ok supposingly I shouldn’t have time to update my blog, but still I have to record down what had happened tonight.

Tonight was our basketball match, final for both guys and girls. For girls is our batch against sem5, and versus sem1 for guys. We lost the girl match, but actually I didn’t feel that surprised (don’t beat me up!!), maybe it’s because prior to the match, SOMEONE told me that sem5 is really good in girls basketball. Ok then forget it. Just stay cool and watch the guys match.

The whole match was very exciting, our pharmacists were leading at the first place, 10++ points, but soon they caught up and after that our marks were very very close. And in the end ………. We lost!!! 74:70, OMG only 4 marks you know? But without doubt, our pharmacists performed very well and I can say that tonight is the best job they have ever done, but unluckily, we met sem1 and they are really good in playing also. Sigh looking at my semi-juniors, guys from B105 and also YongTa, I can tell the disappointment on their face, and someone cried also (?!?!!?) but what I can tell them is: YOU GUYS DID A VERY GOOD JOB, THANKS FOR ALL THE PROUD GAINED FOR PHARMACY~~~~

Wondering any seniors took the pictures or videos… maybe can get them and post on my blog… anyway getting damn tired now, gotta sleep. Good night everyone~

LOVE YOU * thanks for all the sweet things you have done *

Sunday 25 September 2005

2005/9/24 11:23am

Yesterday I promised teng meimei that I will update my blog, but one day late …. She won’t mind, will she? ^^

Just finished my statistic exam on Friday. I was so helpless when I was preparing it, never have this subject at Foon Yew before, only except the probability. Anyway, still I finished it. It was not as difficult as I thought, i.e. it is simpler than what I expected, hopefully I can get good result, come on, it’s still considered mathematic if I am not wrong, how could it be that bad? ^^

This evening, went to support YongTa* again. Today was the basketball match of pharmacy vs sem4**. It was a tough match, the last 3 seconds, we thought we won, but somehow the referee said FAULT!! Anyway after arguing for so long, our pharmacists decided not to argue anymore and let sem4 have the penalty. But the thing is, Shirlyn***’s boyfriend is damn good in shooting the ball, especially the “3-point ball” (so sorry that I don’t know the specific name of it, you guys know what I mean right? ^^) so after the penalty, our result was 57-56, erm yeah you are right, we got 56!! And then, we got 2 seconds left, which means that if we never got the ball in within this time, we would lose the match and the qualification to the final as well. Everyone couldn’t do anything but praying, but really, in a very pessimistic way. YongTa threw out the ball from the outside of the court, and Samuel**** got the ball, “don’t pass the ball already, just shoot!” someone shouted. Without thinking much, even though stood beyond the “3-point line”, Samuel shot the ball, and… without touching the edge of the basket, the ball got in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At the same moment, I could feel that all the pharmacy supporters (including me of course^^) jumped up and screamed and clapped. OH MY GOD we did it!!!! I think my tears came out at the same time, it’s really touching man~ We really won!! All the pharmacists went crazy over that, the players were hugging with each other, and… and… oh my god, I am really SPEECHLESS already!! Anyway, since we got into the final, that means we’ll be facing either sem1 or sem5, gambateh neh pharmacy ~~

Tonight also, the result of the Malaysian idol. Just for your info if you didn’t watch, just like what I did in JB last year, the finalists were Daniel and Nita. I voted for Nita, because I think she is really a better singer than Daniel, no matter is her vocal or her performance, although I like Daniel A LOT~ (first, he is a Chinese contestant, second, I think he looks abit like Jeff Chang ^^) In the end, the result came out, DANIEL IS THE 2ND MALAYSIAN IDOL ~~ #%^&*()(*&^%$#@!#$%^& how could it happen? I voted for Nita~~ how could she lost? I nearly suffocated, because the mood 2 hours before (the match) and now were totally different!! Anyway, what can I do? Just like the MC Jien said, “Malaysians this is who you voted!” Hopefully Daniel would be discovered by those Chinese record companies and send him over Taiwan, because I think he could perform much much much much better in chinese songs, and some more he can compose songs~ and Nita, buck up also, surely will have a lot of record companies wanna get her in. So conclusion, all the best to them ^^

Erm what to write now? Should I stop here? Hehe I know you guys don’t hope so right? ^^

Erm I am fine in KL (n times I have been repeating this), but currently “secretly” in love with few guys, haha. I felt so nice now because I think I have already erased that person in my heart totally, oh I should say I have successfully shifted him from “crush” position back to the “buddy” position. The time passed and the distance between us, really parted us, in my heart. The “crushES” I am having now are quite nice also lah, but hopefully there will be one of them shift his place from “crush” to “bf”, haha~

Next week, tuesday, will be going to RedBox with teng, peggy and chuchu. Excited over that, but before that, must make sure I can finish my stuffs, the bioscience test safely… Oooi~ touch wood touch wood, definitely I can score very good result, bless me ok?

Really gotta stop here, though you guys don’t want me to :p Nitez everyone ^^

Notes
* = YongTa, FoonYew senior, 98xxx, but IMU junior, B0502xxx, a super dupa nice guy, can sing damn nice, FY choir member woh~~

** = This month IMU is having IMU cup, we all are divided by our batches, pharmacy is considered one team, and the medics are further divided into sem1, sem2 and so on, so normally we will straight away say “sem3”, “sem4”, or “pharmacy”.

*** = Shirlyn, my batchmate, a very beautiful and sweet girl, and her boyfriend is the basketball player for sem4.

**** = Samuel, my senior, was my orientation officer, a very sweet guy as well ^^

Tuesday 30 August 2005

happened to drop by the elab...

well, just came to the elab 20minutes before my lectures … erm seeing no one posting comment on my blog, what is the feeling ?? … hard to describe still …

Tuesday 23 August 2005

23 Aug 2005 00:38am

剛剛做完我的英文leaflet, 室友已經跑去睡覺了,而我呢,其實也已經很累的了,可是,心想好像好久都沒有打我的部落格(blog)了,有點虧對自己的感覺,所以只好犧牲一些睡眠時間囖。。。

最近發生了些什麽事嗎?其實我已經忘記了,可能最近的生活真的比較忙吧,English, BM, Foundation Pharmacy, Physiology,通通都要找資料、做報告,弄得我有點頭昏腦漲的,而且最近好像真的會很容易忘記三分鐘前想好要做的事情,天啊,我覺得自己可能已經得了《腦海裏的橡皮擦》女主角的病,Alzheimer’s disease,不過還好,目前爲止我還是能夠清晰地勾勒出爸爸媽媽哥哥的樣子,不像女主角那麽可憐,連站在面前的老公都忘了是誰。。。

説到《腦海裏的橡皮擦》,由於佳雯也到IMU來念書,再加上她把愛看的電影DVD都帶上來的緣故,在那些報告還沒有壓得我穿不過氣來的時候,我跟他借了幾部戯,包括《橡》和《在世界的中心呼喊愛》。《在世界的中心呼喊愛》真的是一部很好看的電影,雖然題材不外是愛情故事,可是演員們細膩的演出,令人動容的眼神,著實讓我感動了好久,雖然沒有在電腦面前掉淚,可是我知道我的心裏的確哭過了一遍。。。

其實在吉隆坡待了那麽久,對很多人都已經釋懷了,雖然很開心地跟兒子說要為他找個爸爸,也跟其他人很三八地說過哪個學長很帥、哪個學長很體貼,可是啊跟我熟的人一定知道,我是個不折不扣的孬種,自己清楚自己長得一副什麽樣子,在家發發花痴也總好過跑去嚇學長,接著淪落到男人看到我就避而遠之,什麽學長、朋友通通免談,靠!我仍然擁有著我捍衛已久的尊嚴,不需要活得那麽低聲下氣。。。話雖如此,我卻依然寂寞。。。

*********************************************************************

最近吳若權出了一本10万字的長篇小説,名為《你知不知道我好愛你》,星洲日報現在正在連載,看過它的故事大綱,大概是一個17嵗的少女和一個成功商人之間的故事,雖然聼起來有點怪怪的,可是正是這樣的情節讓我這個曾經有戀父情結的人感到很有興趣,也許這個星期有空的話可以去書局看看吧,把它抱回家細細品味畢竟沒有每天追連載那種騷不到骨子裏的篇幅那麽令人憂鬱,每天都經歷一次期待與失落,再這樣下去的人生不是辦法。。。

星期一那天,是凱旋的生日,前一天晚上眼睛都快眯上了,可是還是很雀躍地等待12點正的來臨,可以給這個好朋友送上最準時的祝福,誰知打去了幾次,不是叫我等10分鐘,就是叫我等5分鐘。說實在,有點生氣了,爲什麽我必須是等待的那個,而不是後來插隊的那些??可是用另一個比較阿Q的角度想:因爲我們是好朋友啊,如果聊起來的話那可是會天南地北的咧,別人打不進來會怎麽想?他們“應該”沒有我和凱旋這樣的感情,或許他們真的會覺得打不進來很煩,接著就不打來了,那這種罪名我得擔當嗎?不,不可以,所以我必須大方,大方得我直接給凱旋一個訊息,說我累了先睡了,結果過沒多久凱旋好像有miss call我,可是我看到的時候已經是隔天的事了,算是一次無心的錯過吧?

同一天,神廟那裏普度慶中原,人在吉隆坡的我不能回去,只能通過和媽媽的電話知道那裏熱鬧的情況。從小到大,神廟的每年兩次的宴會我都不曾缺席,總覺得我本來就應該在那兒的,可是這次,是我第一次沒有到那裏去,心裏真的好失落,總認爲我失去了一些什麽。。。

星期二一大早睡醒的時候,知道自己躺在那張熟悉卻又有幾分陌生的床鋪上,突然有種很豁然開朗的感覺,其實不管是凱旋的生日還是神廟的普度日,雖然我失去了,可是一切都已經過去了,我必須揪著這些改變不了的事情讓自己煩躁個幾天嗎?不可以啊,帶著遺憾的心情跟著地球自轉幾圈,那豈不是辜負了那個辛苦背負著我的地球嗎?這樣對它太不公平了吧。。。

*********************************************************************

突然有種想投稿的雅興,想自己有時也寫寫文章,讓自己多點書卷兒味,可是總覺得自己的華文水平已經不復當年,搞不好寫出來的東西經過鳳玉老師一批,大概又是七八十個字被狠狠地、不留情面地刪去。。。不過想想,如果只是在自己的部落格發發牢騷,其實也應該可以磨出一點屬於自己的所謂風格吧,不需要別人的批判,只要自己開心,管他文法標點符號,只要你能明白我在說什麽,其他的也通通只是小菜一碟,人生嘛,就是要讓自己快樂,也能運用自己的快樂讓別人也感到幸福,這樣的日子才會使人對每一天都充滿歡欣的感恩與期待吧,不是這樣的嗎?
謝謝你看到這裏,希望大家都能快快樂樂、隨心所欲的~

Sunday 31 July 2005

2005/07/30 09:41pm

剛剛才洗完澡,把所有的東西整理好,再把notebook連接好,就坐到書桌前開始打我的blog了。。。

今天7月30號,知道是什麽日子嗎?是庭妹妹和英達來我吉隆坡新家的日子耶~~~ 真的好開心哦,之前還在想說庭妹應該會到9月多才可能來找我,沒想到今天就可以見到幾個月不見的庭妹了~~~ 只可惜,佳雯今天去了她堂哥那裏,不然的話我們四個人就可以聊個沒完沒了了,哈哈~

在food avenue那裏吃完實在不怎麽樣的午餐之後,我就把他們領到我家來了,一屁股坐進我的房間,姐妹倆就忙著聊最近各自身邊發生的事,把可憐的英達冷落在一邊悶悶地看報紙,真是不好意思卻又無可奈何啊。。。

最最最最最最最重要的就是,今晚的晚餐是我親自下廚的哦,我煮了炒雞肉,蠔油生菜還有煎蛋,而英達呢就幫我煮了一鍋釀豆腐湯和剛好夠我們3個人吃的飯,除了蠔油生菜之外,雞肉和雞蛋都咸了點,至於英達的湯呢庭妹說淡了一點,不過啊吃得開心最重要,看到他們都喜歡我做的菜,還真是有點驕傲呢,誰說慧云我是嬌嬌女啦,我可是會做飯的耶,雖然鹹味的拿捏還不是很好,可是這只是經過兩個星期的“實習”耶,想著想著還真是有點飄飄然的感覺呢,呵呵。。。

吃過晚餐之後,庭妹和英達本來打算7點就要走人,然後庭妹去外婆家,英達回宿舍,可是啊我們又決定再一次狠心地把英達抛到一邊(哦不,這一次更狠,我們直接把他丟到客廳去。。。)姐妹倆就窩在房裏,聊了一些只屬於我們的秘密,聊著聊著就到8點半了,哈哈,可憐的英達就在客廳把小叮噹、F1和馬來新聞看完了,才盼到我們慢慢地從房裏摸出來,收拾了一下東西,大概接近9點就離開了。。。

其實今天最大的收穫,就是可以和庭妹面對面聊了一個多小時,把之前我們發生的、卻沒機會告訴對方的事情通通一次過給對方update了,感覺上就像是把心裏囤積了很久的貨品通通清倉完畢,心裏也變得輕盈好多。。。聊了很多,朋友、感情。。。今天庭妹看到我第一眼就說“云姐姐你變得好成熟~”可是跟庭妹聊過之後,我卻也覺得庭妹成熟了很多,大家真的都長大了吧。。。有些時候,父母總是覺得我們這個年紀的孩子除了念書的壓力之外,不該會有什麽煩惱,也不該會有太成熟的想法的,可是我總覺得,其實我們都有了自己應有的想法,而且往往都比父母們知道的都還要成熟、有見地。。。正因爲這樣我們承受的除了孩子該有的壓力,也夾雜著成人的愁緒,19嵗的過渡期,希望往後再次回味時,淡淡的香味足以彌蓋不經意的苦意。。。(這一段,應該只有庭妹才明白個中的含義吧。。。)

哎喲,11點了,該睡了,如果醒得早應該還可以再讀一讀那個實際上只有0.8秒卻耗了我幾天的心臟周期,唉~~ 晚安囖。。。

Monday 18 July 2005

2005/07/17 02:36pm

這個時候的我,已經在吉隆坡了,室友昨晚整理東西忙到太晚,現在在睡覺,剩我一個在客廳,一邊聼石康軍的歌一邊打blog。。。昨天二哥和媽媽把我載上來,媽媽幫我打掃房子,東抹抹西抹抹的,什麽都弄得乾乾淨淨的,剩下的時間還可以幫我把衣服都吊在衣櫥裏,讓我省下了不少時間;嘿嘿我也沒有閑著哦,我和二哥在客廳看著説明書,花了一個下午把我的書桌書櫥給“拼”出來了,之後二哥還幫我洗了冷氣,抹了風扇,幫了曬衣服的繩子。。。哇做了好多好多事,不知不覺就到六點了,沖好涼之後我們就一起去吃晚餐,然後他們接近晚上七點半就開車囘新山了。。。

報了那麽多的流水帳,想說的是,我又離開了溫暖的狗窩,除了室友之外,就剩我一個人了。。。昨晚在二哥媽媽離開后、室友回來之前的那段時間,把房間剩下的零零碎碎的工作完成,刹那間,我又哭了。。。哎喲,我好討厭那麽善感的自己,動不動就哭哭哭,可是眼淚就是沒辦法控制地拼命飆。。。其實本來已經習慣了吉隆坡的生活了,可是不知怎麽的,和媽媽二哥說了再見后關上大門,心就一直往下沉沉沉,眼淚也開始醖釀了。。。原來我是個既怕孤單又怕寂寞的人,本來我以爲我只怕寂寞,不怕孤單,可是漸漸地我發現我以前對孤單的定義有點偏差,怎麽說呢。。。我以爲能夠把自己關在房間裏一整天就是不怕孤單,可是那是因爲我知道房門外有人在,整間房子我不是一個人的,所以我才能安心地待在房間,不會去想到“孤單”“害怕”的感覺。。。

剛剛在洗衣服的時候,媽媽打電話來找我聊天,今天禮拜天爸爸和二哥都出門了,就剩下媽媽一個人在家,之前的一個月都會有我陪著她。。。媽媽打來就是問我東西收拾好了沒,然後再跟我說昨天和今天家裏發生了什麽事。。。我以爲昨晚只有我一個人睡不著,每個鐘頭都爬起來一次,原來媽媽也是一樣…“昨晚本來回到新山已經很累了,躺在床上卻睡不著,想到你回來才一個月,現在又回去了,家裏接下來幾個月又聼不到你的聲音了。。。”鼻頭痠痠的,卻又強忍著哽咽,說媽媽好肉麻。。。又聼媽媽說昨晚二哥十一點到家之後一直在跟爸爸抱怨“不是講好我跟媽媽在阿云那裏陪她過一夜,隔天才回來囖,剛才又打電話催我們回來,要兩個禮拜后才可以看到她了咧。。。”鼻頭又再痠到不行了,沒辦法講話了,只能跟媽媽打哈哈。。。

還好這次是跟一群好朋友一起搬進來住,否則以我這種情緒,怎麽跟新朋友培養感情啊??唉,多愁善感的慧云,你夠了吧,都19嵗了,淚腺還是那麽發達哦。。。

Saturday 16 July 2005

just happened to pass by...

yeah finally I can type my blog directly here …

going to KL tomorrow, early in the morning, my brother fetching me there … wow, I have been in Johor for 1 month already, how time flies … tomorrow I will be going back to my normal life, I mean no more luxurious enjoying, nice mummy’s cooking, shopping everyday …

but never mind, I gotta get used to this, so that I won’t be crying for 1 week again … will I be like that ? erm … honestly no idea ^^

thought of yesterday’s singing contest … Hagen is out ~~~~~~ oh my God, he’s so handsome, I thought all the girls will simply call to support him, but then I was not sad about it, according to their performances yesterday, he ought to be out …

don’t feel like typing much now … maybe you guys wil see me few days after … gotta miss me k ??? smuakies~~

hehe, today’s post…a nice passage…

呜呜呜~~~~真的好感人的

桌两边,坐了男人和女人。

“我喜欢你。”女人一边摆弄着手里的酒杯,一边淡淡的说着。

“我有老婆。”男人摸抛约旱氖稚系慕渲浮?nbsp;

“我不在乎,我只想知道,你的感觉。你,喜欢我嘛?”

意料中的答案。男人抬起头,打量着对面的女人。

24岁,年轻,有朝气,相当不错的年纪。

白皙的皮肤,充满活力的身体,一双明亮的,会说话的眼睛。

真是不错的女人啊,可惜。

“如果你也喜欢我,我不介意作你的情人。”女人终于等不下去,追加了一句。

“我爱我妻子。”? 男人坚定的回答。

“你爱她?爱她什么?现在的她,应该已经年老色衰,见不得人了吧。

否则,公司的晚宴,怎么从来不见你带她来……”

女人还想继续,可接触到男人冷冷的目光后,打消了念头。

静……

“你喜欢我什么?”男人开口了。

“成熟,稳重,动作举止很有男人味,懂得关心人,很多很多。反正,和我之前见过的人不同。你很特别。”

“你知道三年前的我,什么样子?”男人点了颗烟。

“不知道。我不在乎,即使你坐过牢。”

“三年前,我就是你现在眼里的那些普通男人。”男人没理会女人,继续说。

“普通大学毕业,工作不顺心,整天喝酒,发脾气。对女孩子爱理不理,***来发泄自己的欲求不满。还因为去夜总会找小姐,被警察抓过。”

“那怎么?”女人有了兴趣,想知道是什么,让男人转变的。“因为她?”

“嗯。”

“她那个人,好像总能很容易就能看到事情的内在。教我很多东西,让我别太计较得失;别太在乎眼前的事;让我尽量待人和善。那时的我在她面前,就像少不更事的孩子。也许那感觉,就和现在你对我的感觉差不多。那时真的很奇怪,倔脾气的我,只是听她的话。按照她说的,接受现实,知道自己没用,就努力工作。那年年底,工作上,稍微有了起色,我们结婚了。”

男人弹了弹烟灰,继续说着。

“那时,真是苦日子。两个人,一张床,家里的家具,也少的可怜。知道吗?结婚一年,我才给她买了第一颗钻戒,存了大半年的钱呢。当然,是背着她存的。若她知道了,是肯定不让的。”

“那阵子,烟酒弄得身体不好。大冬天的,她每天晚上睡前还要给我熬汤喝。那味道,也只有她做得出。”

男人沉醉于那回忆里,忘记了时间,只是不停的讲述着往事。

而女人,也丝毫没有打扰的意思,就静静地听着。

等男人注意到时间,已经晚上10点了。

“啊,对不起,没注意时间,已经这么晚了。”男人歉意的笑了笑。

“现在,你可以理解嘛?我不可能,也不会, 作对不起她的事。”

“啊,知道了。输给这样子的人,心服口服咯。”女人无奈地摇了摇头。“不过我到了她的年纪,会更棒的。”

“嗯。那就可以找到更好的男人。不是吗?

很晚了,家里的汤要冷了,我送你回去。”男人站起身,想送女人。

“不了,我自己回去可以了。”女人摆了摆手。“回去吧,别让她等急了。”

男人会心的笑了笑,转身要走。

“她漂亮嘛?”

“。。。。。。。。。。。。。。嗯,很美。”

男人的身影消失在夜色中,留下女人,对着蜡烛。发呆。

男人回到家,推开门,径直走到卧室,打开了台灯。

沿着床边,坐了下来。

“老婆,已经第四个了。干吗让我变成这么好,好多人喜欢我呀。搞不好,我会变心呀 。干吗把我变成这么好,自己却先走了? 我,我一个人,好孤单呀。”

男人哽咽的说着,终于泣不成声。

眼泪,一滴滴的从男人的脸颊流下,打在手心里的相框上。昏暗的灯光中,旧照片里, 弥漫着的,是已逝女子,淡淡的温柔!

so touched … but so pityful … if I were that woman, I would rather my husband fall in love with another girl, another better girl …

Wednesday 13 July 2005

2005/07/12 10:52pm

suddenly had a strong feeling that my English is rusting, erm, the rusting reaction should be second order, which is proportional to the time I spent to play and the days I speak mandarin thoroughly without English… ha-ha, well I doubt my chemistry is rusting too … *thinking*

just switched on my laptop, for no reason, maybe I just felt like typing something while listening to Jones’s songs… yeah the singer I introduced in previous post before, he really possesses very nice voice and it’s very comfortable to listen to his songs during the night … and I suppose after this I will be listening Jay’s songs… actually I had already disliked Jay a little bit, maybe I have already got fed up with his music, but that day I was watching the singing contest organized by channel U, “絕對Superstar”, there was one contestant sang Jay’s 藉口, it’s damn nice!! And only then I knew that this song got very nice lyrics, how could I listen to七里香 for only once and then simply dumped it into my cupboard ??!!??

And that superstar contest, I really don’t know what happened to Singaporeans, how could they vote for someone who obviously cannot sing well, instead of someone who has the ability to perform a very difficult song in perfect way??? Well I think the moral value of this contest might be “it’s really important to have as many as possible friends, so that during this type of contest they can really pour out their money to call to support you”!!!!!!!!!!! #&*(*&^$$ %^&*() really angry over this ~~ But then I will always support my favorite contestant, Derrick, he’s the best ever ^^

Ooops, I am yawning, I suppose I am tired, gotta put an end here. Love you guys ^^

Thursday 7 July 2005

2005/07/07

Actually when I started to type my blog, as usual, I was typing the 1st paragraph to explain why I didn’t post my blog for few days, but suddenly, I thought of something, then I erased everything I had typed. THIS IS MY BLOG, why should I always try to explain why I didn’t post, is it so important to those reading my blog? Maybe yeah, it is, but since I am here, those my friends should felt happier for my appearance rather than waiting for my explanation, shouldn’t they? Well, I spent one paragraph to explain AGAIN~~

Monday, I went to my 3rd uncle’s house, with my mum, to give my cousin sister the red packet, she’s getting married on Saturday. Actually I knew this two weeks ago I suppose, but the thing that surprised me is, she is actually the same age with me, maybe few months elder, while her husband is few years older than her … erm, maybe I shouldn’t feel surprised, as we all know sometimes, accident does happen (sorry to say it bluntly) but yet, when I went to her house, she showed me the pictures taken, I was quite … erm … how to say? If you were an adult, obviously you wouldn’t felt too shocked to see your peer getting married before you, but the girl I know, is my 19-year-old cousin sister, can you guys imagine my feeling? Sigh, until now my dad still teased me that I haven’t got myself a boyfriend, not mention to HUSBAND, ha-ha~~~

Wednesday, I got my 1st semester result at 10:30am, wow~~ I passed all my subjects, with 4As and 1B, ha-ha, I am so proud of myself…. Aiyo I am just bluffing, you guys don’t know how nervous I was since I came back from KL, because according to IMU exam rules and regulation, if one couldn’t pass any one or more than one subjects, one should resit for the exam one week before 2nd semester, before proceeding to 2nd semester, so can you imagine if my dad knew that I didn’t pass, and I have to rush back to resit, wouldn’t he kill me?? Ha-ha, but in fact, I PASSED ~~~

Thursday, I was watching the result of the channel U superstar contest, before the result released, I was discussing with my daddy, saying that the contestant M5 William is the best among all, and I even told my dad that if William got eliminated then it proved the injustice in the world, and the fact is, the result did prove it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD, does it mean “no friends = no chance”?? I hate it man ~ I liked William!!! Humph, and that F4 Li-Jun she was not good also, I don’t know how come F3 got eliminated instead of her???!!!

Erm, so far should be this, I think I got to stop here, before my dad off the main switch directly, ha-ha, good night everyone ^^

Wednesday 6 July 2005

05 July 09:27am

haha, I like this time …..

actually already typed the blog at home, but I saved it in my laptop and now I am using the desktop at my old house … maybe next time, few days after ….

just wanna come and let everyone know that I am still alive, haha, having great time at Johor, tomorrow I will be going out with my wife also, haha, so happy, for about 9 months I didn’t see her already *shocked* how time flies ~~

anyway, gotta stop here, don’t want to spend the space here bullshiting, hehe, good day to everyone, love ya ~~

Friday 1 July 2005

for dear magichera~~

@Magichera: Happy to see you, a super big fans of hongming also, posting at my blog … surely I won’t mind posting the lyrics here, I am always glad to share my favourite music with my friends ^^

********************
愛我的人和我愛的人
================
盼不到我愛的人 我知道我願意再等
疼不了愛我的人 片刻柔情他騙不了人
我不是無情的人 卻將你傷的最深
我不忍 我不能 
別再認真忘了我的人
離不開我愛的人 我知道愛需要緣份
放不下愛我的人 因為了解他多麼認真
為什麼最真的心 碰不到最好的人
我不問 我不能 
擁在懷中直到它變冷
愛我的人對我癡心不悔 
我卻為我愛的人甘心一生傷悲
在乎的人始終不對 
誰對誰不必虛偽
愛我的人為我付出一切 
我卻為我愛的人流淚狂亂心碎
愛與被愛同樣受罪 
為什麼不懂拒絕癡情的包圍

********************
I like this song very much also … once it indicated my mind thoroughly … hope you’ll like it … do you mind leaving your msn id here ? we might be able to chat there … or you can go over hongming’s official website : http://www.chrisyu.idv.tw/documate.asp

Tuesday 21 June 2005

愛中飛行 – 石康軍


I think … I have fell in love in Jones’s voice … very nice duet sang with Shin ….

愛中飛行(by 石康軍)
曲:信 詞:信&許常德

用了情 聽你唱了一了百了的表情
葬了心 再次讓自己透明
我靠近 只會更看清妳向他接近
怎麼挺 才能陪你到絕境
用盡了所有力氣學他的強硬
末日來臨讓妳抱的更緊
曾相信堅持能夠讓妳不灰心
失去他我仍能給你真心
我們像三隻孤鷹在愛中飛行
妳追他的幻影我卻追妳重傷的追尋
眼淚在這場遊戲從來不肯停
就算我用生命送妳遠行也不停
每一次 當妳遠遠望著我的眼神
他的心為妳流淚到天明
我的夜 為每個聽眾哭喊著愛情只有他
只為妳一人擔心
妳愛我只能夠唱一首歌回應
緣份太短怎麼讓妳安心
我的夢在妳之前就已經約定
永遠是他給得起的光陰
我們像三隻孤鷹在愛中飛行
我愛你但我付不出太實在的愛情
不要妳費盡一輩子才能清醒
陪在妳身邊始終是他 的身影
我們像三隻孤鷹在愛中飛行 我愛你
(信:)但我付不出太實在的愛情
(石:)但我付得出最實在的愛情
石:(就算)妳費盡一輩子才能清醒 陪在你身邊的始終是(我)的身影
(信:)你不清醒

it’s really nice …… I like him ….

A very nice passage, sent to me, by chuchien …

I like this passage …. it’s nice indeed …

**********

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?” I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze.

“Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked. She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…”

“No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. “I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this “time machine” as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us.. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, “I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.” As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, “We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty y ears old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.”

She concluded her speech by courageously singing “The Rose.” She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be.

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they’ll really enjoy it! These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get; we make a Life by what we give.

**********

and because of this, I went to find the lyrics of the rose, actually I heard this song before, it’s also quite nice, very soothing tune and nice lyrics … may you have the same feeling as I ….

THE ROSE
Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed

It’s the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun’s love,
in the spring
Becomes the rose

Tuesday 31 May 2005

2005/05/30 08:28pm

只是純粹很想上來打我的blog,讀書讀累了,就是那麽簡單??

呵,我真是該打,連自己都想騙。人家說自欺欺人的人是最笨的,一個平凡的身體裏,竟然妄想可以裝下兩個不同想法的靈魂,互相猜疑,互相隱瞞??是這樣的嗎?還是可能只是單純地、兩個靈魂都在懷疑自己,卻又害怕被譏笑,所以不肯在另一個靈魂面前表現軟弱,?自欺?也就變成了保護自己的方式??兩個倔強的靈魂在身體裏肆意游走,苦的卻是外在的身軀,除了承受身體裏的煎熬,還必須面對許許多多同樣背負著兩個靈魂的可憐的人,爲了自衛,又必須?欺人???這個世界就是如此循環著,生生不息,所以??自欺欺人也沒錯對嗎?這也只是大環境的趨勢啊??????

曾經看過一篇文章,摘錄阿牛所說過的一句話:?真相就像是燙手的山芋,你不能直接把它放在別人的手裏,應該把它放在盤子裏再端給別人?可是得到山芋的那個人,看到的是燙手的山芋?還是在盤子上看起來不怎麽燙的山芋?什麽才是真的?有時候明明就很介意的,可是爲了不讓事情越演越烈,導致無法收拾的殘局,所以必須裝作不在意,還要一邊用手撫著絞痛的心,一遍對著人群不停地?哈?哈?哈????曾幾何時,?哈哈哈?成了掩飾眼淚的手段,快樂的笑聲顯得優柔造作。聽見的人,有的選擇直接戳破、開門見山地問個究竟;有的因爲沒有勇氣拆穿,於是選擇相信,那笑聲是真的開心的,或者只是開玩笑的??又有哪個有心人願意把所有的虛假的笑聲通通刪除,再把剩餘的片段連在一起,仔細回想,其實那才是真實而令人難以接受的真相??

今天在學校上網,有一個多小時吧,看了很多人的blog,想知道大家最近的情況如何,也到過班上的forum去看,好不容易把之前沒看過的留言通通看完??回來的路途中,心情down到谷底,可能是因爲看了其中一個人的blog吧!突然心裏頭五味雜陳,不曉得該怎麽形容,也只不過是隨口提起他的境況罷了嘛,他也不是唯一一個被提到的人啊,可是就是。。。啊~~我是小狗。一只胡亂吃醋的小狗。啊不對,是一只把自己浸在醋缸裏的小狗。拜托,那個看懂我在寫什麽的人,不要拆穿我。總之就是心情不好,所以才要把事情?吐?在我的blog裏,待會兒我才能專心讀書,畢竟考試快到了??
不過回到家之後,室友親切地說?你回來啦~餓了嗎?一起吃晚餐吧!?心情又被平復回來了,畢竟室友是無辜的,不可能叫她們看我的臉色吧?呵,突然覺得,是我的室友讓我的EQ提高了不少,可是這算是好事嗎?again,自欺欺人~

哈?哈?哈?

Monday 30 May 2005

coming~~

Haha, was actually studying just now, but then really got no mood to study more, everything just didn?t get into my mind, sigh ~~

By the way, today Yingtaat Kaixuan and Sinchen came to my place to visit me, as I have been pestering them for 2 days, haha ~ but then !!! again I got cheated by xuan and chen, as they AGAIN hid taat at nowhere, and gave me a big surprise ~~ well I don?t really mind, because I am happy enough to see taat, I have not been seen him for ? 6 months already!! Can anyone of you imagine you didn?t see your ? beloved ? ? darling ? for 6 months ? Not many of you can really tahan right? haha ~~

Hmmm? what did we do for few hours ? ok they came to my apartment for a while before going for lunch, because it was raining heavily this afternoon, and then we took some photos using my handphone ( somehow it has become my habit to take photo with people visiting me ^^ ) haha, of course lah, the photos with yingtaat were the most intimate photos, obviously :p but I am not that selfish, I am always willing to share my happiness with my friends, I will put the photos up here soon ^^ then we went to food avenue (again~) to have the lunch, then after that we came back to my apartment, spent maybe one hour? and they left for Low Yatt at 4 something ?

Everytime I will just feel so sweet whenever they come and visit me, even Pavi, my batchmate, said that all my friends are so nice, specially come over here and see me ? yeah true, I should feel honoured and glad for having such good friends ? suddenly I thought of the things Albert wrote in the class bulletin, is that really everyone in science3 so bad ? only his friends are hell of the great ?? ( sorry I didn?t mean to say something bad about Joe, Kwang Hong etc, they are nice obviously, but I felt so angry when I saw his writing, after being told by yonghau ? ) I do think that everyone in science3 is nice, ok maybe sometimes some of us might be abit mad, throwing tantrum at others ( yeah I referred me, myself ) but yet we all are just nice, who on the earth can be perfectly, 100% nice? NO ONE !! so should we be so calculative on whether other people treat us nicely, before thinking of whether we ourselves treat others nice ?

Well, back to my original topic ? for so long time in IMU, ok maybe not that long actually, yeah I found friends, but only FRIENDS, not those I can rely on, telling them everything about my problems, simply call anyone whenever I was screwed up?of course I do hope that I can eventually find them, but so far I still wanna rely on Kaixuan, Yonghau, Yingtaat, Weiteng, Siewmei they all, is it too much ? I don?t really think so ? in fact, if really possible, I wanna to rely on them forever, I meant it ?

and ?. yeah, hey for those who are not science3 students, yingtaat is actually not my boyfriend lah, I just simply wanna drag him down, haha~~ but he is a nice guy, not everyone can really tahan me who loves to pretend others? girlfriend, haha ~ seriously he is nice, so I really wish that he can find that most fortunate girl, who can become his lifelong partner ?

Do you know now what I am thinking ? I just wondered who will be the next one coming over my place to look for me ? will it be Yun mei ? or ? chuchu ? or ? whoever, I welcome all of you, since I have not been seeing you all for half year, or maybe after 11/06, come over Perling to look for me ok ? we may recall our sweet memory there, the long long train made of science3 fellows, which will never stop going ahead for our bright future ?

ok I think I had better go and study now, thanks for reading, love ya all ~~ ^^

Thursday 26 May 2005

2005/05/25 09:38pm

哈囉,我回來了~~

之前還在猶豫要用華文還是用英文打這篇blog,最後還是決定用華文??唉,畢竟華文讀者還是比英文讀者多的,sorry for not typing in English ? for Jocelyn^^

剛剛從新山回來吉隆坡,讀書假嘛,回家好好充電幾天,然後再回來努力衝刺,可是不知怎麽的,今天和爸媽二哥告別之後回到宿舍,我有一種我沒有離開過這裡的感覺,突然覺得在新山那幾天的記憶很模糊,我真的記不起來我做了些什麽,只記得?我吃了好多東西,三個月來爸爸答應我的要帶我去吃的餐館和小販中心,還有這幾個晚上都是靠在爸爸的大肚腩上睡着的,還有??好像就是這樣,很空洞,但是我當然沒有後悔回去,因爲無論如何,家都會是讓我最舒服的地方??雖然好象不曾回去過,可是回來了之後,我整個人變得很不舒服,可能??我想家了吧?可是也沒那麽強烈啊,聽到媽媽的聲音沒有想哭的感覺?我也不知道自己發生了什麽事,一點力氣都沒有,好累好累??很想哭,想打電話給凱旋,感覺他那裏會很熱鬧,可是我卻看不到他,有點沒勁兒的感覺,所以可能我也不會打給他了????啊~~我現在在幹嘛?報流水賬啊?

唉還是恢復理智的我好了。這兩個星期是我的讀書假,所以沒有意外的話這14天内我會乖乖得當我的大家閨秀,足不出戶,好好地撐過我的學期考,我就可以準備搬家,搬到學校正對面的公寓去,接著我就可以放心地回家渡過我的Long Vacation囉,哈哈,還記得好像才昨天,我還在擔心自己的統考成績會怎麽樣,結果現在,我就要完成一個學期了,時閒真的過得好快丫~~可是很遺憾的是,我真的覺得自己沒有成長多少,除了會自己洗衣服打掃把自己整理得乾乾淨淨,我好像還是那個少不更事的慧云,對很多事仍然沒有辦法處理得很圓滑,可能之前都被保護得很好吧,我好像不懂得怎麽很好地和別人商量,然後把事情處理好??唉~~

不說了,好累!不好意思哦,真的突然想睡了。。。晚安~

Wednesday 20 April 2005

20 April 2005

這個晚上,剛剛跟秀美講完電話,哇~好久都沒有找秀美了,之前一直想找她,卻一直沒有時間(ceh~說沒有時間是騙人的,問凱旋和勇豪我打電話給他們的頻率就知道我挺有空的,哈~)結果聊了一整晚,心情果然是超好的,就說嘛,跟姐妹講電話就是可以這樣天南地北的用掉整2個小時的時閒!庭妹妹不要介意哦,云姐姐是怕你在溫書,所以不敢吵你,等你考完試云姐姐再告訴你唄~~

嗯,回到我要講的重點。上個星期二,澤彪帶了瑋庭凱旋鴻謙來我的宿舍嚇我,已經讓我開心到不懂要說什麽好了,結果禮拜五的時候,凱旋帶了新荃可毅勇豪又來嚇我一次,我真的是~~~ 只可以說我真的很開心,來了吉隆坡兩個月,除了我家人上來看我之外,我真的沒有那麽開心過,雖然只是在我的房間亂扯屁了兩個小時、在我宿舍吃了十罐泡面,我已經覺得很很很開心了,只能說,我不能沒有理3這班兄弟姐妹,你們就像是我永遠的興奮劑,只需要一點點的份量就可以讓我開心上幾天,真的……千言萬語啊,都不能說清楚我到底有多感恩…

不過除了大家跑來嚇我讓我很開心之外,其實這兩天真的過得不太好,生病了,傷風感冒咳嗽通通來,這些看看醫生就沒事了,可是心裏…也染了病毒了……其實這種心病也不是這兩天的事了,快…兩年了吧,哈哈,我真的覺得自己是個深情的花癡,竟然可以讓一個人兩年來完全左右我的心情,想念的時候什麽都是甜的,什麽都是開心的,可是回到現實生活,我卻必須一再地告訴自己他不是我的,他不會是我的,真的,心會絞痛得好厲害……那天四個大男人來找我的時候,我一路牽著勇豪從咖啡廳回到宿舍,那時真的覺得:自己的手掌曾幾何時原來也能放在另一個人的手心裏,原來能牽著手真的是一件很幸福的事,雖然那個人,是勇豪……如果我的手掌是在“他”的手心裏,感覺會是一樣的嗎?會很溫暖嗎?會讓我覺得幸福嗎?我想,一定會是一樣的。只不過,一切都不可能發生不是嗎?爲什麽還要天真地以爲可能還會有機會呢?只會讓自己痛苦不是嗎?不是説好上來吉隆坡就要快快樂樂的嗎?爲什麽還要讓自己陷進去?不是說學長都很帥,人都很好嗎?我到底在幹嘛?

我已經不知道自己是在騙自己,還是因爲放不下…昨晚看了哥哥張囯榮的《星月童話》,假借想念哥哥之名哭了好一陣子,果然真的好了很多…“…自己哭過後才明白,流過淚的眼睛,把生命看得更清楚…”我應該學會放下我所無法強求的東西,隨緣于身邊的所有人和事,這樣我才會活出真正快樂的我,不是嗎?

唉,牢騷發完了,是該睡覺了,明天還要上課呢,晚安囉~~

Friday 25 March 2005

24-03-2005

hello everyone … who always come over here and read my blog, I am back ~ well, just happened to finish my lecture eerlier than I expected, and the next lab will be at 2pm, since now it hasn’t yet 1pm, so simply sneaked into the e-lab …

well, for those whom I seldom or never called, but yet concerned me, I am fine. Seriously fine, since I have already got used to the life here, got used to wash my every single clothes on my own, got used to finish bathing within 10minutes, got used to wake myself up every morning … suddenly felt that I am really an adult now, not more the pampered yun-jie at home … should I be happy for that ?? I think I should …

The lectures are quite fine, as well as the lecturers here. It’s just I really still can’t get myself study if there’s no exams tomorrow but most of my batchmates always treat the library as their second home, I should get myself ready as well …

and the homeworks … normally those home exercises are quite simple for me ( not trying to say that I am damn clever, but if you take a look at the MATHEMATIC exercises given, you would know what I mean …), I just hate to do those chemistry, bioscience lab reports !!! They are not really difficult actually, if so I can always refer to my mentor’s report and see how can I modify them, it’s just … tedious ! Can you imagine a lab report of 8 pages, exclusive of 3 more graphs ?? well, maybe most of my batchmates have already got used to it during the college time, but to me, lab reports in FY = another copy of friend’s lab report !! and some more, our chemistry lab reports are just kind of ” fill in the blank” exercise isn’t it ?? Well, I must convince myself that what I am doing now is actually steps to the PROFESSIONALLISM ~~ haha, sort of ways to console myself right ?

and also … the life here … last time talked to yonghau on phone, for about 2 hours, and when we were about to hang up the phone, he told me,” yun-jie, did you realise that 50% of our conversations is all about your handsome, charming, fragrant seniors ?? ” haha, I admitted it. I will be so delighted whenever I mentioned them, though we are actually not really that close, compairing the relationships I had with Xuan, Hau, Taat … well, this is the only way to make myself happy, so give me a reason that I shouldn’t do that !

Mentioning of yonghau, that day after I hung up his phone, 10 minutes after he SMSed me, ” though we can’t see each other, but our conversations just let me feel that we have never aparted” ( “agak-agakly” tranlated from chinese ) … well, definitely I felt so glad and touched when he said so, but does that mean that besides him and kaixuan and weiteng, the others whom I seldom and never called, will feel that their relationship with me fade ? I don’t know, and of course I don’t want to. But what can I do ? You can’t expect me to call different person every night right ? so I just tried to sms some of them, like xiao lih, zhen hwee … just to let them know that yun-jie never forgot them, yun-jie never forgot science3, as everytiem I switched on my laptop, I would keep playing ” the lion sleeps tonight ” and made myself thought of those times, we practised, we argued, we got onto the stage, we got the third prize… all these memories will never fade, at least in my mind … but I think you all won’t forget it also right ? I genuinely think so, and hope so …

well … I think I have broken my own record, for using up so much time in the e-lab to type the blog … gotta stop here I think … or else those who can’t get a place to sit will stare at me … ok see you guys, good day, loves you all ~~~

Saturday 12 March 2005

11st March 2005

hehe … finally got time to come over the e-lab again …

such a long time right ? I didn’t come over here … well that night, I enjoyed my movie … but I didn’t enjoy the time … while watching the movie, for so many times I wanna simply grab the arm of the person beside me, because I felt a bit cold … but before I did that, I realised that ” he’s not kaixuan/ yingda/ yonghau / sam … ” hurmp … the one who sat besides me that day was actually my O.O., a nice guy too, but I just couldn’t do that …

I sms yonghau after the movie … ” the movie was nice but it would be better if those who accompanied me are you guys rather than my seniors … ” so sad, in Johor I definitely won’t have the chance to go out with them, and now I got freedom to run here and there already, but all my buddies are not with me …

suddenly felt so sad … and some more, I met a pervert security guard that mde me so scared, he simply followed me from outside until the floor I stayed !! it’s disgusting, I have never been so scared of someone, that might hurt me … that night when I called yonghau and told him about that, I still could feel myself trembling you know ? that’s … #$%^&*(&% …

anyway, except that, I felt very nice and comfortable about my uni life … there’s something I can be sure, that uni’s life will never replace my wonderful high school life, but definitely I hope that my uni life will always be that wonderful and colourful …

all the best to all my friends, esp my science3 buddies and sisters … gotta take care ya ~~ yun jie loves you all ~

*** Happy Birthday to Brother Chin Aik ^^ ***

Saturday 5 March 2005

well well...

哈哈,今天真的是在很趕時間的情況下把我的blog打完的。。。唉,今天從早上九點上課到下午四點沒有停過,真的是累到~~之前的那個post大概把昨晚發生在我身上的事通通交待完畢了,呵呵,感謝老天沒有讓我爸學會用電腦,否則啊我怎麽敢在這裡寫那麽多??

很認真地想過我這樣是不是“變坏”了,居然在兩個大男人的房裏待到晚上11點才回家(不過還有另外一個女生啦,是他們的housemate)不過想一想,如果在新山我有機會到英達勇豪凱旋的家的話,我應該也會直接就跑到他們的房間躺在他們的床上……當然前提是不可能做什麽啊,哈哈~~所以說我只是以前沒有那個環境變坏而已,呵呵~~不過我一直很相信自己是潔身自愛的,這點連小梅都沒有懷疑過哦!

嗯,不說這個了。昨晚…收到一個朋友的訊息(我可以談心的朋友不多啦,不過還是決定保留姓名),心情完全被牽動了……到今天早上,雖然我的心情真的很好,可是想到他sms我的東西心情又在盪到谷底……有時候真的覺得自己是一個容易被別人的情緒所影響的人,尤其當這個人是我很在乎的一個人……一直很藍色,撥也撥不開,再這樣下去我會瘋掉啦…希望等一下去學長家囘email的時候心情可以變好一點……

唉,不說了…再説下去我身上的水分就要通通沖到眼睛去了…大家要幸福哦~~

Friday 4 March 2005

hohoho...

just caught some time to come over the computer lab to check my mails and type my blog …

I just wanted to say I had a damn great time last night with my group members and my orientation officers. We went to have steamboat at Sri Petaling there ( sobs, it made me think of you guys …. steamboat at T.U.T.A.) about 16 of us went there by 4 cars ( but yucks, they drive really fast really cannot stand with it … ) after we had our dinner, laughters inclusive we went to one of our group members’ house, just went over there to chit-chat, but really felt so bad that her mother need to entertain us all the time, giving us sweets, puddings, chocolates ….

but what’s really excited is … I went to my seniors’ house !!! 2 of my seniors stay together and I just simply go over there at about 10pm ( my dad is gonna kill me if he knows that I went to guys’ house at such late time … ) I went there, drinking tea, listening music, some more they put kind of perfume in their room, so nice … never imagine guys’ room can be so clean and neat :p and also we looked at all those pictures we had taken during the orientation, kind of sweet memories I can say …

about 11:15pm, one of my senior escorted me back to my hostel, so nice … he just walked me home until I locked all my doors and lastly a sweet goodbye to me … *sweeeeeeet~~* anyway now I cant put the pictures now … maybe next time I can post some pic we took while we were having our steamboat …

gotta rush for my bioscience lab, see you guys ~

Sunday 27 February 2005

my orientation week...

美好的星期六。就這樣被我睡掉了,哈哈~昨晚2點才上床睡覺,睡到今天早上10點才起床呢~~ 至於是什麽原因呢?說起來真的是好氣又好笑……

幾天前的星期一,就是我們P105( 意思:Pharmacy 1st intake in 2005 )的orientation,我們從星期一開始就要在每天下課后扮成不同的角色,參加晚上的活動,像我啊,呵呵,還真是第一次那麽“盛裝出席”學校的活動呢!

星期一:Frankenstein + 話劇表演
星期二:泰國女人 + 尋寳遊戲
星期三:男扮女裝成軍人 + 選美比賽
星期四:希臘神話人物 + 偵探遊戲
星期五:難民 + 對壘比賽 + 朦眼繞學校不知道多少圈
至於今天星期六嘛,會有頒獎典禮和晚上的BBQ呢!

其實這幾天真的玩得很開心,畢竟以前在寬中,大家都知道我是不可能和朋友在學校待到9點10點11點甚至12點的,只是啊昨晚的朦眼繞學校,真的是把我們折騰到~~ 學長們把我們的眼睛朦起來,然後帶我們一直走一直走,間中還有人一直對我們灑麵粉和水,還凃牛油啊還有什麽很噁心很臭的東西,還一直用手用樹枝搔我們癢,到最後把我們全部人丟在垃圾槽旁邊,趁我們各組在斗大聲喊口號的時候逃到樓上咖啡廳喝茶,直到晚上12點我們當中的一些人喊“take off the mask, the seniors ran away already”我們才恍然大悟,然後拖著真的很臭的身體去找我們的鞋啊眼鏡啊包包啊,我爸還因爲我到12點才開電話而把我罵到狗血淋頭呢!不過可憐的是我的orientation officer(O.O.)啦,大概是直屬學長之類的,因爲我被我爸罵到真的哭了出來,我的其中兩個O.O.一直在我旁邊“好啦乖啦,你叫你爸爸打來給我們,我們跟他解釋說不是你的錯,都是我們的錯好不好?好啦乖啦乖啦~~”然後我直接跟其中一個O.O.講“Anson,我現在很想打人”,他就真的很乖地自己癱在墻上說“你今晚要對我怎麽樣都行啦~”,哈哈,過後我還把全身垃圾味的身體靠在那個O.O.身上,讓他也中招,哈哈~~

所以啊,昨天回到家,頭啊臉啊身體啊都各洗了3遍,然後把衣服褲子裝進塑膠袋,丟進垃圾槽之後,都已經1:30am了,而且!我還沒有吃晚餐咧!!只好去沖一杯泡面當晚餐+宵夜,弄到來2點才睡覺!

雖然如此,說真的,我還真的很感激有這樣的orientation,讓我在一個星期内和大家都混得不錯,可能還有一些還是記不起名字,可是見到面總會很開心地微笑打招呼,而且像以前在寬中真的就沒有什麽機會可以和大家一起玩到那麽瘋…我只能說高中的生活和大學的生活真的很不一樣,但是我相信只要我願意,我的生活一定能夠一直這樣地多姿多彩!

理3的朋友大家也要加油哦!我還是那個一樣那麽愛大家的云姐~大家要為大家加油哦~~

Thursday 17 February 2005

again...coming...

yeah… me coming back again …

just attended to the briefing of computer lesson, and I finally got the password to log on the school pc and to get online broadly … unlike just now sneaking like a thief …

anyway, gotta tell everyone of you about my recent life … I reached KL at saturday afternoon, being fetched by my brother and his gf, after cleaning up my room and going to Carrefour to buy all those necessaries, they went back at 5pm. And you guys know, that’s the beginning of my nightmare …

the warden of the hostel told me that, there will be 2 more of my housemates will be checked in that night, so that means it will be 3 girls staying at the hostel. So I just waited.

Because I was just new to the place there, I am living at the 2oth floor, so I gotta use lifts right ? and I daren’t go downstair alone at the beginning, so I just sat in my room and waited after taking my bath…

6pm … 7pm … 8pm … 9pm … 10pm !!! It was already 10 but nobody came back !! I called the warden and told her that there was nobody except myself, a poor girl staying in the hostel alone, and she could just tell me to lock the door well (!!!) and so, I spent an extremely lonely night …

fortunately, there was one girl from Penang came and stayed overnight at hostel on Sunday, and her aunt was just too nice, packing the Sarawak’s Koh Loh Mee for me, a poor girl who supposed to have cereal and biscuit as dinner… so warm …

but in the night, when I went back to my own room, I was homesick !!! I missed my dad, my mum, my brother, …. I just cannot tahan whenever they called, and I gotta control myself from crying or else they would smell a rat through my voice …

has been moody for 2 days … suppose my sons will feel so sayang to me if they know their mummy was so cham4 !!! but until monday, I went for the registration at IMU, I got to know few friends and met few smart guys also and also my mood turned good ~~

today is already Wednesday and I have gradually known many of my classmates, though many of them I still can’t memorise their names well … but anyway I think I can be able to take care of myself well … sometimes have been thinking that I am so capable you know ? among all of us, I mean 4 housemates + myself, only I washed my own clothes leh, the others either send them to her auntie’s house or the laundry nearby … haha, yunjie bu4 shi4 gai4 de oh ~~

This week is just only the briefing of all of our lessons and activities to have, we will start our lesson next week … since Monday I got 13 ” student NOTES ” , not textbooks, I have been worrying that I might not catch up with my classmates, where many of them looked so smart and diligent in studying … anyway, I will just go ahead, will buck up for sure !!

everyone of you must give me the full support yeah ?? Loves you all ~~ good day.

at IMU...

yeah such a long time I didn’t post on my blog … wondering anyone missed me …

oh yeah, I am now in the library at IMU, surfing net and typing blog … but I can’t access to my mailbox …God knows what happened to it …

anyway will keep updating my infomation …. miss you guys THAT much …

Wednesday 9 February 2005

nice, sad though...

一篇讓我很震撼的文章……不是因爲什麽文筆好啦,詞句優美啦什麽的,只是因爲…相似點太多了吧

==========

曾經想過如果我不是我,
我不用煩惱我現在的煩惱。
如果不曾遇上你,
那麼生活將是平淡如水更加枯燥乏味。
如果不曾知道你是誰,
那麼我的心裡不會多了一個名字。
如果不曾凝視你的眼神,
那麼孤寂的心怎可能加快跳動。
因為喜歡了你,
所以我成了一塊玻璃般不堪一擊,
我害怕失去你而摔落地,
換來粉身碎骨,
弄得遍體鱗傷,
或許我想得太多,
問得太多,
說得太多,
無論如何也明白不到你的心,
難過的寂夜裡,
總是格外安靜,
我聽見了自己柔弱的呼吸。
遺下悵惘與哀傷伴我進入眠夜,
閉起疲倦的雙眼,
我還是看見你不能抹滅掉的笑容。
我究竟,
還要在這裡徘徊多久呢?
我究竟,
仍要在這裡停滯多久 呢?
什麼時候才能夠走出來,
嚐嚐屬於我的藍天與白雲,
我怕到時候,
我已經再沒有能力了。
我最大的希望,
不是要與你一起,
而是看見你可以得到的快樂,
畢竟我心中只有你,
我只為你而爭取,
義無反顧為你作無條件的犧牲。
女生總是如此,
為了一個莫名其妙的感覺而付出,
甚至可以放下一切也在所不辭,
積極的甘心情願的去展開一場沒有把握的追逐,
根本沒有人可以保証我一定不會受傷,
不會遇上瀕臨懸崖般的危險。
有時候對自己說:
如果不曾遇上你,
那麼在這個時候,
我可以安心的輕鬆的入夢。
如果不曾知道你是誰,
那麼我不會因為要愛著你而背起沉重的負擔。
如果不曾凝視你的眼神,
那麼我已封閉的心怎麼可能失去城池。
因為太愛你,
我將埋怨恨恨的忘記,
只知道我不能否決自己內心想說什麼,
如果我不在乎你,
我又怎麼會痛呢?

Happy Chinese New Year~~

Hello everyone reading my blog,

a very Happy Chinese New Year to all of you, hopefully this new year will bring you alot of laughters and happiness !!myself …. actually I didn’t ask for too much. I just want my family members always stay healthy and happy , and I will do very well in my studies, and all my friends be very very happy ~~~ not too much isn’t it ??

again, A very happy and prosperous Chinese New Year ~~

Monday 7 February 2005

well...

Well, just now went to see my son’s blog … felt ashamed seeing him type so much while myself is getting lazy to type blog … while in another point of view, you can’t blame me for not posting blog so frequently, because my life is stuffed with my dad, mum, bro, computer, television, and recently, my chemistry handouts ^^ I don’t know what can I write about them …

By the way, thinking of the reason that I can’t online last night, I am gonna crazy again ~~~

Well, that’s how the story begins :

Yesterday, at the evening, my dad suddenly said that he wanted to go to the new house to stay overnight, and of course, my mum and I were not going to object to it, since that doesn’t matter to us. And so we packed up our things hurriedly and got onto the car to go to the new house.
When we reached there, my dad said that he had headache and wanted to take a nap. And so he just went to sleep and I also got the chance to ask xiaohei to come over my house. After chatting with xiaohei I felt very happy, because such a long time I didn’t see him, and I was supposed to be in very good mood also , BUT …….

After a while my dad woke up. Xiaohei left after addressing my dad. And my dad said that he wanted to go out for dinner, while my mum and I thought that he was too sick to drive. Anyway, just follow his instruction, since he easily get angry whenever he’s sick.

We went out for the dinner, smoothly, nothing happened. As I thought ” yeah, finally nothing happened and we came home safely, without being scolded” , SH**, bad things did happen.

On the way going back home, there was a block in front of us, seemed like the Malays were going to get married the next day and set up the tent. And so, we turned a big round to go home.

When my dad was going to drive into our house, he couldn’t make it successfully just because the direction is different from the usual we drive home. And then, the tyre crashed with our own gate and bursted !

Ok, so far my story goes. Do you think that it’s my fault causing the accident ? while my dad himself drove at the other’s lane and he gotta avoid the coming cars, and so he turned to the direction of getting in of my house, earlier than he supposed to, and caused the crash ??
AND YET, he blamed me for not pressing the remote control earlier, as he thought that if I did so earlier he won’t have meet the coming car and he won’t turned the car into the house before he supposed to do so !!!!!

My God ~~~ what should I say then ??? I don’t know also … this is completely ridiculous!!! but What can I say ? NOTHING !!!

Well currently, my mood is still affected by it. Had better not offend me these few days …

Beware of it !

Saturday 5 February 2005

04-02-2005

again, I am tired to think of a title for this post …

yesterday was intending to post something here, but thinking that I really have nothing to announce or something to share with you guys … so don’t really want to post something meaningless …

but today I am not going to post something happy too … because today my house … sigh, my dad’s scolding time again ~~

Just because today my brother did something wrong … and my dad just kept scolding and scolding … I really HATE it I can say. I don’t like the atmosphere of my house whenever my dad scolds people. Really had the urge to run away from home sometimes. But anyway I am going to leave for KL soon …

but I was just wondering, will I be very very very lonely when I am in KL and even missed my daddy’s voice of scolding people …. hopefullly not.

Yawn ~~~ gotta sleep soon. Last night slept only at 4:30am because I was waiting for the transfer of one file, from my Taiwan friend, good night everyone.

ZZzzzzzzzzzz~~~

Thursday 3 February 2005

02-02-2004 some thought …

昨天晚上……

看了蔡康永主持的真情指數,來賓是周丹薇,一位據説很特別的前藝人,現在完全退居幕後,從事花店的生意。

我很喜歡看真情指數,因爲我覺得錄影棚裏的氣氛和蔡康永的主持功力,很容易讓藝人在熒光幕前展現出真實的一面。雖然我在這之前並不認識周丹薇,可是我還是決定坐在電視機前觀看。

像平常的一樣,主持人和來賓聊了很多事,還包括周丹薇的父母親。周(簡稱)說她一直很記憶猶新的一件事,就是她的父親病危的時候,聲音變得很薄弱,幾乎發不出任何的聲音,而母親也得了一種病,因爲就醫被拖延,所以導致耳朵近乎聼不見。每天父親總會像撕裂了喉嚨一樣,用力地想發出聲音讓母親聽見,而母親也一直很努力地在聼。看在周丹薇的眼裏,天地下沒有什麽比這個更慘了……

“父親過世的百日,母親因爲腹痛進了醫院,當天是耶誕節的晚上。那個醫生替母親檢查過之後告訴我‘周小姐,我真的沒有把握能治好你的母親’,我當時真的嚇呆了,好象是因爲白血球過多而導致腹痛的。那個晚上,我站在醫院大廳門口,對著天問“老天你真的要對我這麽殘忍嗎?你已經把我的父親帶走了,在我真正懂得什麽是孝順的時候,你就要把我的母親也帶走嗎?” ……孝順孝順,要做到‘孝’很容易,可是要做到‘順’真的不是一件很容易的事…………”

==========

看了這段之後,我很認真的回想我有沒有對父母親做到“孝順”呢?我自認我是一個有孝心的孩子,我一直都認爲父母把我養大,將來他們老了,照顧他們本來就是天經地義的事,那些抛棄父母的人是我最爲不齒的!我絕對相信我自己將來一定可以讓父母安享晚年,至少我會願意去這麽做。可是像周丹薇說的,‘孝’很容易,可是‘順’就真的很難了……

我從小就很聽話,長大之後我也自認沒有做過讓父母很傷心很傷心的事,可是我總是會有意的做一些小動作來表示對父母所做的安排的不滿。我總是認爲他們不應該逼我做一些我不想做的事,可是往往父母親都是為我好……雖然,我到現在仍然常常會不順著父母的意思……

可能我真的還沒有長大吧!我總是一再地想要脫離父母的管束,想要自己到外面看看這個花花世界……希望到時候看遍了世界的我,能夠想通這一切,可以真正地做到“孝順”……希望這不需要太昂貴的代價……

all the best to myself. and good day to everyone.

Wednesday 2 February 2005

sth to share...

today … was in bad mood actually … but after chatting with one of my friends, hongming’s fans, my mood become so peaceful … this is some of what she wrote to me …

唉…為情所困的小女子…
愈是藍藍時…
愈要想得開…
當要鑽牛角尖時…
別忘了正面思考一下
我是世上獨一無二的..
人生如此漫長..
我一定會遇到更好的..
自信的女人..是最有媚力的..
朝著自己選擇的路..
大步的邁向前..
幸福的康莊大道就在妳面前了~~

well, felt so nice to read this … you know ? these few days I have been very moody, but thanks to hongming’s fans, who always encourage me and ask me to look at the bright side …

sometimes … friends can really be very very important … when I can’t meet science3’s friends, I still have them …

and also, today happened to pay attention to one of Nicholas Teo’s songs, ONLY ONE, and I think it’s very optimistic and directly affected my mood. Currently I felt very peaceful, and seemed like I have really ease my mind, at least I won’t always be in bad mood …

share with you guys too … the lyrics attached I love the last paragraph the most !!

==========

ONLY ONE – Nicholas Teo

你总是在迷乱的时候心情摇摆
一冲动就躲在那伤痛苦海
他所要的无非是一种自由自在
恨不能将快乐都拥在心怀
我明白感情的结果谁都无法安排
错过就不要再异想天开
在寂寞背后踩着一片憧憬地带
我怎么能让你还孤单存在
我的歌在你的耳边所以响起来
是因为我不想再活得不痛快
我相信像这样的感觉其实不太坏
你喜欢我就不会停下来
让世界更精彩
让希望的火焰在你心中烧起来
没有人将真爱在一念之间出卖
让感动和依赖在你心中留下来
没有人会无奈让自己受伤害
让希望的火焰在你心中烧起来
没有人将真爱在一念之间出卖
让掌声跟喝彩在你身边留下来
你要相信自己是 only one

==========

good day to everyone.

Tuesday 1 February 2005

sth sweet ~~

this is what I have copied from my friend’s blog, shiang, who is also the super big fans of Hong ming …

============
我愛你的房間 有我喜歡軟軟的床
我愛你的家人 和我的家人一樣有愛的感覺
我愛你的味道 有我喜歡香香的CK
我愛你的身高 讓我有小鳥依人的感覺
我愛你的執著 就算你不在我身邊我也不覺得失落
我愛你的體貼 有你在身邊我不怕生病
我愛你的負責 你說過的話總是說到做到
我愛你的浪漫 你不會忽略到任何一個節日
我愛你的溫柔 有你輕輕的拍背我總是睡的很香
我愛你的細心 我說過的事情 你總是會一一記下
我愛你的西裝 你穿西裝的樣子很迷人
我愛你的專情 你不會讓我擔心 沒有女生可以接近你
我愛你的善良 義不容辭的幫助別人
我愛你的聰明 你懂很多東西可以教我很多東西
我愛你的溺愛 我想做的事情 你總是會順著我
我愛你的寬容 縱使我害你失去很多 你還是捨不得怪我
我愛你的在乎 不管做什麼事情都會第一個想到我
我愛你的單純 我喜歡不抽菸不喝酒不賭博的你
我愛你的堅持 什麼事情都要做到最好給我最好的
我愛你的關心 只要我有任何一點不對勁 就能察覺
我愛你的努力 看到你為未來努力的神情 就很幸福
我愛你的髮
我愛你的眉
我愛你的鼻
我愛你的唇
我愛你的齒
我愛你的頸
我愛你的胸
我愛你的手
我愛你的腳
我愛你的………………………….
好多好多好多~~~
我竟然說不完~~~

很多人都說 這是熱戀期才會這麼甜蜜
但是我想 我們可以維持很久吧!!
看到你在我家 跟奶奶跟媽媽跟我的家人聊天
我覺得 有你好幸福喔!!!
我的家人認同你 你的家人認同我
未來離我們好像很近!!!
這是我要的幸福吧!!!這也是你要的幸福吧!!!
認識你真好!
讓我知道 愛情 其實可以很簡單又很真實的
我們不用相互猜忌 不用懷疑,對吧?!
我的MR. RIGHT!!

==========

so nice to read this … really sweet … though I haven’t found mine … hopefully shiang will always be that happy …

I met Albert today...

Just now was thinking what should I post today, because I thought nothing big happened today…

but I forgot ! Today I met Albert at the Lien Hoe Complex. He was selling bak4 gua1 there and I thought he has already gone to KL !

We chatted for a while, well actually just asking how’s each other’s life, because … my dad was beside me and if I kept on chatting with him, my dad will treat him as his future son-in-law, I don’t really want to put such a handsome guy into HARM, haha~

haha, felt so nice after seeing him, as my son also said that, I will be in good mood whenever I see handsome guys, haha~ but … this good mood only last for few hours … after I woke up from my nap … sigh …

listening to Nicholas’s CD … zhang1 dong4 liang2 … love his songs recently … his songs always let people feel a bit moody, but not too sad … suits my recent mood. Anyway, hopefully everyone arounds me will always be happy …

good day to everyone. good night too.

Monday 31 January 2005

wonderful night...

Woke up quite late this morning, because I really slept very late last night.

Last night, was a wonderful night. I saw my classmates, whom I haven’t seen for so long, and also we enjoyed our dinner at Pizza Hut, though I went home quite early …

But really felt great to receive ying taat’s very special gift, letting me hold his arm, lean on his shoulder, and then he sang the song 愛我的人和我愛的人. Wow, never expected that yingtaat can be so … gentle when he sang that song beside my ear …but last night the environment was really not suitable for that song, or else I might cry out immediately …

and also … hehe … never expected yingtaat’s body was so warm … when he hugged me … hahaha ~ I might get killed one day before I know the reason if I kept 糾纏不清 with yingtaat … but anyway, felt really nice and sweet …

and also …. when I back home I didn’t sleep immediately, instead, I watched TV until 12 o’clock I suppose … then suddenly my phone rang ~~~ (haha, seemed like I am trying to tell ghost stories ) that’s the uncle, that I mentioned in my previous post, who let me sit there and watched him for an hour, remembered ? My god I was so shocked to receive his call, at midnight !!!

He just called, because I sent a sms to him few days ago and he didn’t know my hp number, so just called to see who is it. Haha, suppose he was shocked to hear my voice too … ” 哦~ 是慧云哦?……新年后去讀書哦?要用功啊,你是會讀的就要好好讀啊……怎麽那麽晚還沒有睡?要早一點睡啊不然對身體不好……好啦,去休息吧,晚安……” oh~~~ I was so excited until I slept at 1:30am !! haha ~

haha~ yesterday must be a very very good day to me … well, maybe is because yesterday was my sis, sinchen’s birthday, haha~

so, happy birthday to sinchen, at 29/01 and also Kui Yong meimei at 30/01, i.e. today ~~~~ good day to everyone ~

Saturday 29 January 2005

28/01/2005

haha, been thinking that I am not good in setting a good title for my post … anyway, just let it be.

Today has been a wonderful day. Early in the morning my dad brought us to the nearby bak kut teh restaurant and had a yummy breakfast. So nice, have been long time I didn’t really spend good time with my family during the breakfast time …

and also. I found a CD that has been put aside for few months in my drawer. That’s the original tracks of the drama 薔薇之戀. This is one of the CDs I love the most, well, I put it aside is just because I have no time and no mood to listen to it, as all of its songs are relatively sad in tones.
There’s one song I like very much, ZChen’s 傷口. there’re few lines I love very very much, and also …… felt pain whenever I heard that.

傷口被時閒賄賂
傷口讓勇氣沉默
傷口沒收了原本屬於我藍色的天空
你還是可以溫柔
傷痛讓我去承受
傷口竟成了如今找尋你的綫索

In past … or maybe not considered PAST, just few months ago I think. I even cried whenever I heard this song. Felt so sad, although it doesn’t really reflect my true life, abit similar I can say.
maybe I have already come to sense. I have sorted everything out. And I think I won’t be bothered by all things happened to him, except in the name of his BUDDY … haha, and now I can face him as if he is just a very simple friend to me … this song, might be the last evidence, of my love …

anyway, not going to say more about that, will become sad GOOD DAY to everyone, of course, good day to him.

Friday 28 January 2005

nice passage to share...

love this passage very much. Not only because of its content, but also received it from one of my friends, whom I have never met her for very long … really nice passage, hope you will like it too.

******************
You Are Special

A well known speaker started off his seminar byholding up a $20 bill. In the room of 2000 he asked.“Who would like this $20 bill?”

Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to givethis $20 to one of you - but first, let me do this.”

He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. Hethen asked. “Who still wants it?” Still the handswere up in the air.

“Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?” He droppedit on the ground and started to grind it into thefloor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpledand dirty. “Now, who still wants it?”

Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, you have all learned a very valuablelesson. No matter what I did to the money, you stillwanted it because it did not decrease in value.It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled,and ground into the dirt by the decisions we makeand the circumstances that come our way. We feel asthough we are worthless; but no matter whathappened or what will happen, you will never loseyour value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you arestill priceless to those who love you. The worth ofour lives comes, not in what we do or who we know,but by …WHO WE ARE.

You are SPECIAL - don’t ever forget it.”

nice day^^

haha, today felt very happy. I don’t really know why, maybe it’s because my dad has started joking with us, haha, suppose he is not more angry … hurray ~~~

and another thing, just now I checked my mail box and Guess what ? I received yu4 gang1 ’s greeting card !!!! my goodness, when I saw it, my mouth opened big big in front of my laptop and my dad thought anything happened :p

I gave yu gang my email address on the new year greeting card and I thought he will put it aside. Never expected … wow, yugang the best, haha ~

but there’s is one thing I felt puzzled even until now, I don’t know how to type the chinese word of the GANG in yu gang’s name … I mean in han yu pin yin … anyone wanna tell me ?

hehe, felt extremely good today. So hopefully good day to everyone too ^^

Thursday 27 January 2005

erm erm erm...

today, is just like any other days. Nothing happened.

oh yeah, I forgot it. Just now my elder son and my xifer came to my house. And they gave a very very very very very very beautiful and supposed-expensive present to me. really nice. and my mum said ” you didn’t give your friends present and you still dare to get the present from them ah ? ” haha, so I told my mum,” you must let me go out to buy present loh, or else na2 li3 hao3 yi4 si4 … ” haha~

few days ago, I posted a message at hongming’s fan club forum, saying about my recent life, and my feel towards my friends and family, whom I am gonna leave. Maybe the tones was quite sad, I thought I was just fa1 lao2 sao1 at there, but in the end, many of the fans replied, and consoled me for that … actually I don’t really know them, I just know they are hongming’s fans … but really felt touched you know ? they treat me as their friends, just because I am hongming’s fans too … really happy for that …

and currently I am chatting with one of hongming’s china fans. and so sorry for typing so little today, because I don’t really want to type out something mei2 you3 ying2 yang3 … see you all. have a nice day.

Wednesday 26 January 2005

nothing much...

well, today I just used my old computer at my old house … felt abit weird, maybe I have not been touching it since I bought my laptop … sigh, am I someone who xi3 xin1 yan4 jiu4 ??

by the way, just read a forwarded mail from my friend, a senior 3 friend at ELS. It is about a personality test, I did it and I found it very accurate ! I was shocked to read the result. Below are some quotation ( it’s in chinese and I’ll try to translate it into english):

1. No matter how hard is you life, you will always figure out a solution to solve the problems.
2. When you are troubled by many irritating people or matters, you will either stay cool to wait and see, or ask all the people to shut up, in a way a leader acts.
3. You always feel carefree and peace, no matter you are alone or with friends.
4. You are not very satisfied with your parents but you knew that you can’t change anything.

those who know me very well, do you think it’s accurate ? well, I think it’s quite accurate ( especially no.4 ^^ )

I remembered that my elder son told me before, that he doesn’t like to play this kind of tests, but I think sometimes the test will help you to know yourself better, don’t know whether you agree of not ?? at least, me myself think so.

Good day to everyone.

Tuesday 25 January 2005

weird mood...

yesterday afternoon …

my dad got angry again. this time the main reason is my brother, who said something wrong accidentally … but whenever my dad started scolding people, he would definitely scold everyone include me and my mum …

I don’t like that, really. Now my dad is staying at the old house and CHASED us back to the new house … and now, my dad is just besides me, at the temple, but he only talked to the uncles working here and not to me ….

so sad, am I so detestable ? I don’t think so. My friends love me, my mum loves me, my brother loves me too. I suppose my dad loves me very much too, but why should he be like that ? Doesn’t even care about what I am doing … really hope that there is some guys calling me and he would definitely try to know who is calling … at least I can have few words with him …

I don’t like the atmosphere, as if we are not father-and-daughter but enemies … sigh …

Monday 24 January 2005

又用中文。。。

今天一大早並沒有自然醒,而是被爸爸罵二哥的聲音吵醒的。。。唉,真希望可以有一天睡到自己醒過來,然後看到爸媽哥在飯廳開心地吃早餐,看到我下樓還會笑著罵我“懶豬,甘願醒了啊?東西要被吃完了,還不去刷牙?”……這樣的夢,不會過份吧……哦對不起,是有點過份,因爲我都說了這是個“夢”……

**********

剛才在看報紙,爸爸問我些事情,我想了很久才回答他。爸爸講華語的時候速度不快,在他緩緩地每說幾個字的時候,我總會一直在想“爸爸想問什麽?他爲什麽這樣問?他有沒有什麽想說卻沒有明說的事?”…………

突然覺得我自己,是不是那種所謂“城府很深”的人? 我總是會去揣測別人說的話,然後想他有沒有在暗喻些什麽?回答問題的時候,雖然看起來很心直口快,可是總會事前在心裏想很久,怎麽樣回答才是最好的回答?真正心直口快的時候,應該只是心情大喜或大悲的時候吧……

做人做到這樣,會很累吧?可是我好象當這種人當很久了。。。懊惱中……

Sunday 23 January 2005

thought...

Yeah, just back home from school. Seeing all those new members, excited indeed … but a bit disappointed, because many of them said that there are many handsome guys, and I saw none ~~ maybe I am too old already lah, those boys … not suitable for me, haha~

However, glad to see many of science3, yonghau xiaohei tzesan kuiyong kuanhann yihfeng xingmao , great indeed … though I didn’t really say much to them, felt contented already…

**********

Just now after coming out from the school, I didn’t go home directly. Instead, I accompanied my brother, who have waited for me for about an hour, to have lunch, and then we went to buy the things for my dad.

When we reached there, he went into the shop and I stayed in the car. While waiting for him, I saw an Indian man driving the motor and two children on it, an about-7-year-old boy and an about-3-year-old girl. Suppose, a father with an elder son and the youngest daughter.
The man visited the same shop that my brother went. Left the 2 children on the bike. The little girl was holding the meter indicator ( I don’t know what we called that, just the thing in front of the bike ) and standing in the basket, the little boy sat behind him and held the handlebar. I found it interesting, so I kept looking at them and see what they were going to do.
The girl stood still, didn’t move at all. The boy put his head beside the girl, seemed like watching his sister, and smiled. The girl turned her head to his brother, smiled too. I was touched by this scene, I took a photo, but it wasn’t clear, so I simply deleted it.

Suddenly, I thought of my brother. Thinking of our childhood, I remembered that everything it was me bullying him, and he would try any means to satisfy my demands. If I got angry over anything, he would definitely try to settle everything for me, or ” take revenge” for me, and also apologize to me if he’s the one who made me angry.

and also this time, I asked him to fetch me to Na Lu Wan to have a gathering with my classmates, he said he had promised his girlfriend to accompany her to her friend’s housewarming party and couldn’t be able to fetch me. I got angry, of course, and ignored him for 2 days ( to him, it’ll be an agonal time for him if I ignored him deliberately for 3 hours ! ). No exception, this time he surrendered also. after 2 days he said he will try to get me there earlier so that he can still accompany his girlfriend ( but before that, they have already decided to change the place to Perling, and my dad can fetch me by the time ).

looking at the Indian siblings, I felt abit regret. My brother has been so nice to me, since I was a child, and yet I always asked him to do alot of things for me, no matter it’s reasonable anot.
I’m going to KL soon … besides my friends, I think among the family members, I will miss him the most. Somehow, i have used to his existence, for many years. Without him, I will definitely lose something … that can’t be described.

maybe there’s some lyrics that can describe his position in my mind :
" 有的人說不清哪裏好 但就是誰都替代不了"— 張韶涵《遺失的美好》

I haven’t learnt to say some mushy words personally to my family members … but I would like to say here, 二哥, I love you~

Saturday 22 January 2005

changes may occur...

For everyone’s info, the venue of the reunion dinner on 29/01 might be changed to perling, but the exact place will be decided until … don’t know also.

so far the things that have been settled are :

Date:29-01-2005
Time:7:00pm - gather at my house7:30pm - leave for the venue
Venue: not yet decided

so hopefully majority of you still can come despite the changes of the venue … because I truly hope to see you all …

*********
just now, Ji Biao SMSed me, asking me whether he should choose science or commerce, I told him that he should choose science, because in my opinion, he might be interested in science instead of commerce, and I told him, the most important thing is that he must have interest in the subject he chose. He said he doesn’t know how to choose, because he has to depend on the realistic factors, thus … he felt puzzled and helpless …

actually I do think that INTEREST must be the main point to be considered, because if you don’t feel interested in something, you naturally won’t put your effort into it …. and gradually there will have no so-called ” future ” … but true also, just like Ji Biao said, sometimes the environment, the situation will keep forcing you on making decision, before you get to know the whole thing well …

sigh … we are having less and less courage to choose what we really like … why ? sometimes, I am puzzled also …

about the reunion...

well, about the reunion … I think it’s comfirmed that I can’t go… as my brother will never spend some time to send me there … his schedule can’t be changed anyway …

just now daddy called me, saying that he will try to settle this for me, after his return from trip at next Thursday … maybe still have a bit, only a bit chance …

last night I dreamt of Tzyy Huei again, I have been dreaming of him for 3 nights!!! haha, how badly I miss him huh?

just finished cleaning the old house … tired indeed …

p/s: by the way, if I can go there early, how early can I go ???

Friday 21 January 2005

shocked...

just now, received ying taat’s msg, saying that Jie Shun’s father had passed away this morning … he didn’t know much but he hoped that we can give some opinions, about what to do …

before that, I once heard yonghau said jieshun’s father has not been too well recently and the condition seemed become worse … Never expected, it happened so fast …

well, what I can say to jieshun is ” jie2 ai1 shun4 bian4″ … truly hope that he can recover soon from this, of course I know that it’s very difficult to do so, losing father is definitely not an easy pain to overcome … but hopefully he can make it …

Think in a more positive way, his father will be free from pain, sadness, suffering … he might feel better to get rid of these … anyway, all the best to jieshun’s father in another world … and also all the best to Jieshun’s family …

failed...

Just had a talk with my brother just now, seems like I can’t do anything but seeing you all go for the gathering without me …

man, SUPER DOWN ah , what to do now ???????????????????????????????????????????

seems like my dad support my brother and said,” just don’t go if your friends insisted to have this time as gathering !”

then? how ? I am helpless now… really … cannot tahan already …

Thursday 20 January 2005

so true...

你知道嗎?
人一旦上了年紀之後,身邊的朋友就會慢慢慢慢慢的離你遠去。
因為忙、盲、茫。
很多時候,我們總是各忙各的!
於是,開始想念起以前的朋友、老同學或是老同事。
寂寞的時候,總是不時地會想到要去翻看那些被壓在箱底多時的老舊照片,
然後開始細細的品味充滿酸、甜、苦、辣的過去。
看著照片回憶著當時的情況和藏在每個人心底的秘密;
仔細閱讀過往的信件,想讀出當時寄信人和自己讀信時的心情;
努力回想你打來的每一通電話,想用力的記起你說過的每一句話,
猜想著當時在話筒那一端的你的表情;捧著泛黃的記事本。
我小心翼的讀起在裡頭上演的每一段故事,
每一分每一秒都記錄的清清楚楚…
你知道嗎?最近的,其實最遠!
當我覺得你離我很近的時候,一伸手,抓住的卻是空氣。
當我覺得你離我很遠的時候,
不知道你是不是會用盡一切方法對我稍來消息。
最近的,其實最遠!
人們是不是擁有時都不珍惜..失去了才後悔莫及…
我只想說我們能成為好朋友..這份緣份得來不易…
那麼請記得…好好珍惜…
我們要在年老時…還能圍在一起話說當年…細看人生…

sigh...

just finished watching TV with my daddy … while during this time, sms with my dear dar-dar …

well, maybe I should explain everything here … that 29/01 gathering, God knows how much I yearn to go, to see you all … but that day my future sis-in-law’s friend will hold the housewarming party and ask my sis-in-law to attend it. You know, my sis-in-law will definitely ask my brother to accompany her and then … my brother won’t be able to fetch me there …

and also, my brother currently put his girlfriend at the highest position and anything that affects their plan of going out must been prohibited … include me, his sister for 18 years …

I had asked my father before that, saying that this might be the last reunion with my classmates and I must be there, as I will be leaving for KL soon … my dad said yes, and he said ” ask your brother to fetch you there” … and now ? everything spoiled. My father will definitely be complaining that what a good time your friends chose and nao3 xiu1 cheng2 nu4 if I get angry over this matter, and in the end, I couldn’t even go out of my house …

and also, my father will never let me go by yours’ car, because for him, you all are new drivers … and he will never put his PRECIOUS daughter into the RISK , what should I do ? and of course, he won’t let me drive alone, let alone driving in the night, alone !

I yearn to see you all, really, so much … but how ??? I am frustrated over this now …

some thought...

Yummy yummy~ just came back from the restaurant, had a wonderful dinner, which is paid by one of my daddy’s friend ( well, that’s the reason my dad don’t like to eat outside, everytime he meets anyone he knows, we will get a free meal … and, my dad doesn’t like it … )

We went to the restaurant which we go frequently in past ( because now we usually stay in Perling, and can’t really come back to Taman Johor just for dinner … ) and also, I saw a ” friend", who doesn’t even take a look at me …

She was my primary school classmate, we were quite good when we were in the same class, however, after graduation, we went to Foonyew together also, but since we were in different class, we became not that familiar as before, and also, she went astray and left FY when she was in Jr3 … the restaurant is owned by her father, she is helping out there …

I felt so sad whenever I saw her … because even she saw me, she won’t even have any emotion on her face, as if I am transparent ~

That’s the reason also, I felt so sad when everytime science3 got any gathering and I can’t go … I’m afraid that by the time I came back from KL or even Scotland, all of you will treat me just like my that girl friend … in the end, I might not get even one friend … horrible isn’t it ?

son, I knew that you’ll feel happy for me whenever I am in good mood and sad for my bad mood, but really sorry, I felt extremely bad after the dinner… need to recover from it … God bless …

brand new day...

well, woke up at 11am this morning, as I only reached home at 3am this morning, great isn’t it ?

of course, not going out by myself, but went to temple again with my family. Actually there was a big ceremony last night, to burn all those ” clothes” to all the deities … actually I don’t really know about those things, I just know how to give my help. Haha, maybe because I knew that I wouldn’t be at the temple on this day, next year, so I did the most job last night, running here and there, moving this and that, and last night seemed like I am the only female who dared to go near the fire to burn the paper money, haha ~

and also … had a phone talk with Kaixuan last night, 12am to 1am, about everything we both concern … sometimes really think that Kaixuan might suits me the best ( haha, I bet if Kaixuan saw that he would fainted in no time ^^ ) , somehow we both know each other better, and tend to tell each other everything … but I really don’t like the awkward relationship happened in our class … I just want us, science3 to be together forever, is it too hard to achieve ??

but last night my mood was not affected by the matters I discussed with Kaixuan … because I had something better to do … You know, haha, there is an uncle, whom actually I should call as ” gege “, as his father and my daddy are in the same rank, and I called his father ” uncle” already … alright, that gege, is the one, for me, who considered quite handsome since I was a child !! ( as our families are shi4 jiao1 for many years ) A middle-aged guy with no big big stomach, not bald-headed, fair skin, tall, have ying1 gou1 bi2 like Andy Lau … can imagine it ? handsome indeed right ? SO, last night while waiting for my father and brother, I just sat there to watch him for about 1 hour, haha ~

until 2:15 am, I felt really sleepy already. I went downstair and took a chair as my pillow and falled asleep. After 30 minutes, someone woke me up with his hand on my shoulder, I put my head high, my god it’s him ~~ haha, he just woke me up and said my daddy is ready to go. I looked at him with 迷蒙的眼神, and he also asked me in gentle tone, that when I will be going to KL … and I asked him whether he feel better for his sore throat and flu, we talked for 5 minutes I think … such a wonderful night … haha ~

somehow, I couldn’t kick the habit of admiring all those middle-aged but charming guys … haha~ I have already gone crazy ~~

anyway, good day for everyone, and also my daddy who suffered gastric pain today, caused by the alcohol he took last night …

Wednesday 19 January 2005

simple day...

well, after taking a bath in the morning, my mood had became better than the previous night … somehow I am someone who tends to forget the things right after that moment …

today, went to the temple again. My mum asked me, before going out, whether I would like to bring my laptop along. After consideration, I said no, because I knew that I am going to spend a wonderful day there and not really want to keep myself at the office there surfing net, would be wasting my precious time ~

actually I didn’t do anything also, after helping all those aunties to fold the “paper money” ( what we called that ah? simply forgot … ) I just went to the car parking lot at the back of the temple. It has been the place I love the most, when I go to the temple I will definitely go there to stay more than 30 minutes.

there’s the only place that would let me calm myself down and think carefully about every move I am going to take. So nice there, no all those irritating noice, but only the sound made by the insects and birds. Just like the environment in the village … just nice …

And also, I met one of my friend there again. She was my neighbour, who is 1 year older than I , we became friends just because her father and my dad are friends for over 40 years!!! amazing isn’t it ? She was supposed to take her STPM, but she said that she can’t really spend her time on studying, and thus she chose to be a salesgirl. Erm, I don’t really know the actual title for her job, I just know she had to go here and there everyday, to promote the products.

Sometimes thinking of her, I would feel ” wow~ how capable she is ! ” because she is only 1 year older than I , and now she has much more social experience, while me, still staying at home watching TV waiting for the commencement of IMU …

sometimes there will have so many path for you to choose in your life … I don’t know which one would be the best, but I think I have chosen the one who suits me the best, so far. Hopefully Lynn, my that-salesgirl friend, had also made her best decision in her life.

All the best to all whom I know.

Tuesday 18 January 2005

nice...

the 3rd passage I am typing for today …

somehow, mood became blue once after 11pm … sigh, I should have already gone to bed instead of staying awake at this odd time … but, daddy and brother not yet come back … gonna wait for them …

just now was watching the taiwan tv serial 霹靂火 (well I know yonghau and kaixuan gonna laugh at me for this … ) actually I didn’t feel to watch tv today, not even thought of it. However, I turned on the TV and sat there, watching the programme but not really knowing how’s the story goes…

I think I am going crazy, indeed. Do you know the reason I watched 霹靂火 ? I just wanted to see the main role, Chen2 zhao1 rong2, who looks alike with my doctor-friend …

There’s something that only … 3 people know … that why I care him so much, as a very important person … I thought alot after listening to his words, made me unconscious of anything happened afterward.

How I admire him, that he could really treat everything with peaceful mind, and accept everything happened to him as his karma … after listening to his words, I suddenly think that I really care for too much, I really can’t put everything behind, because I CARE ~

Thinking, if one day I pass away, I would definitely feel regret towards to many things undone … too many words unsaid … I have alot of funny dreams needed to be realised, and so many words that I need to tell someone badly … because I care, that’s why I can’t get out of this …
God, what I am typing right now … ?? anyway, good night to everyone reading this. I wil be just fine after a good sleep …

===

after I have finished typing the things above, it is 18 Jan already, so not more 3rd passage on 17 Jan but the very first passage on 18 Jan … haha, Happy birthday Jay Chou ~

今天……

哈哈,今天決定再用華文打字,我可是考慮了很久的……

今天,我碰到了那個我很想見,卻很久沒見的朋友……感覺還好,並沒有很怪,只是大家都很疑惑爲什麽我們倆會一起從停車場走到神廟樓上,像是一起來的……不過我倒是很享受只有我們倆的這段路程……

似乎我們熟悉了彼此的習慣,他在做事的時候,我會自然地到一旁的欄杆等他,他也知道我會在那裏,做完事會來到我的身邊……聊的都是些客套話,不過他只是靜靜地看著我,就知道我最近的心情很苦悶,這一點說真的,讓我心裏覺得特幸福,呵呵~

我告訴他我捨不得我的朋友,他卻説這就是人生的“無常”,因爲放不下,所以會有人生的“苦”……他說他想去修行當和尚,想超脫一切輪回之苦。望著這個我認識了將近十年的大醫生,我並不因爲他說的這番話而對他產生陌生感,我知道他一直很崇尚這種心靈的寧靜,也就是這種甘於屈服于“人生無常”的心態,才會讓他到現在仍是孤家寡人吧……我只能說,我祝福他,畢竟這樣的人生目標並不容易達成,作爲他的……朋友(?),是該給予鼓勵……至於我嘛,就讓我繼續沉淪在輪回當中吧,我只想當個勇於抵抗“無常”的平凡人……

昨晚(嗯,應該是今天早上一點),找了我最愛的達達聊天。原本想說這麽久沒好好聊聊,應該說些開心的,結果我的語調在sms的字裏行間顯得越來越低沉,唉~難過……我向達達要了一份禮物,至於是什麽只有我們兩個知道,希望我真的會收到……達達,不能騙云姐哦,不然,我會怨你一輩子!

現在我還在神廟這裡,看著我那個醫生朋友的三弟的孩子,七個月大的寶寶,一直睜大了眼睛看著我,好可愛~難怪人家說世間上的寶寶都是天使的化身,看著他們就會讓人覺得像置身在天堂一樣!(p/s: 我剛剛抱寶寶的時候,她有點想哭著找媽媽,我突然想起動力火車的“搖籃曲”,於是便靠著寶寶的耳朵唱了起來,唱著唱著,小寶寶就不哭了,哈哈,真管用~)

Monday 17 January 2005

nothing special...

yeah me coming again ~ ( idiot! this is MY web !! )

actually I have no special things to share with you all … but as all of you that knows my family background well, you should know that, for me, NO NEWS MEANS GOOD NEWS ! that means today my daddy didn’t get angry for anything and also none of my family members did something wrong that may activate my dad’s anger … well, so that means today is a good day ? haha, funny indeed.

today just received the mail from the warden of the IMU hostel, telling me to check in at 12 or 13 Feb, that means 1 or 2 days before the commencement. Somehow feeling abit excited about it, because I am going to leave soon … these few days I really had the urge to run away from JB as soon as possible … but I haven’t finished packing my lugguage, I’m afraid that I might forget this and that … so gotta list out everything again so that I won’t miss anything and let my dad get another chance to pour the dog blood on my head, haha ~

and also another thing, remembered last time that Yahoo Kimo jiao1 you3 wang3 zhan4 that I went to register ? I made some friends there, some cute guys, but not yet familiar enough, maybe I can try to know more, then next time when I go to Taiwan, I won’t be afraid that I have no one to guide me ^^

and also ( somehow I am reporting my daily life as clear as possible ^^ ), tomorrow will be a big day for the temple I go frequently, and also … I will be able to see a friend, whom I didn’t see for few months I suppose … Quite miss him indeed, he’s considered a very special friend to me, of course not boyfriend, but a friend that always come to me whenever I have troubles, no matter how busy is he ( for your info, he’s a doctor with his own clinic, so he’s really busy with all those things … )

but somehow, a bit weird also, whenever thinking that I am really going to SEE him tomorrow … maybe this time I won’t treat him as someone really important … because something in my inner self , has changed. and …. so difficult to say out what exactly the feeling I am having now …
but anyway, I will try to appear normal to him. the most worrying thing now is … he might say me become fatter during the holiday, as he’s really concerned about my weight, as you know, a doctor, haha ~

Saturday 15 January 2005

hurmp~

today went to school but can’t get the thing I want … sigh … poor advisor, getting bad memory and forgot to prepare the tui1 jian4 xin4 for me …

have nothing much to say actually… but these few days got few people came and post, saying that they liked this website and asked whether I can recommend them some other similar web …

well, what can I say is this web is set up by my son, so I think you can try to contact my son … but I can’t leave his details here, yihfeng, if you’re here, try to know what exactly happened …

but I must say, I love this web so much too …