Tuesday 31 May 2005

2005/05/30 08:28pm

只是純粹很想上來打我的blog,讀書讀累了,就是那麽簡單??

呵,我真是該打,連自己都想騙。人家說自欺欺人的人是最笨的,一個平凡的身體裏,竟然妄想可以裝下兩個不同想法的靈魂,互相猜疑,互相隱瞞??是這樣的嗎?還是可能只是單純地、兩個靈魂都在懷疑自己,卻又害怕被譏笑,所以不肯在另一個靈魂面前表現軟弱,?自欺?也就變成了保護自己的方式??兩個倔強的靈魂在身體裏肆意游走,苦的卻是外在的身軀,除了承受身體裏的煎熬,還必須面對許許多多同樣背負著兩個靈魂的可憐的人,爲了自衛,又必須?欺人???這個世界就是如此循環著,生生不息,所以??自欺欺人也沒錯對嗎?這也只是大環境的趨勢啊??????

曾經看過一篇文章,摘錄阿牛所說過的一句話:?真相就像是燙手的山芋,你不能直接把它放在別人的手裏,應該把它放在盤子裏再端給別人?可是得到山芋的那個人,看到的是燙手的山芋?還是在盤子上看起來不怎麽燙的山芋?什麽才是真的?有時候明明就很介意的,可是爲了不讓事情越演越烈,導致無法收拾的殘局,所以必須裝作不在意,還要一邊用手撫著絞痛的心,一遍對著人群不停地?哈?哈?哈????曾幾何時,?哈哈哈?成了掩飾眼淚的手段,快樂的笑聲顯得優柔造作。聽見的人,有的選擇直接戳破、開門見山地問個究竟;有的因爲沒有勇氣拆穿,於是選擇相信,那笑聲是真的開心的,或者只是開玩笑的??又有哪個有心人願意把所有的虛假的笑聲通通刪除,再把剩餘的片段連在一起,仔細回想,其實那才是真實而令人難以接受的真相??

今天在學校上網,有一個多小時吧,看了很多人的blog,想知道大家最近的情況如何,也到過班上的forum去看,好不容易把之前沒看過的留言通通看完??回來的路途中,心情down到谷底,可能是因爲看了其中一個人的blog吧!突然心裏頭五味雜陳,不曉得該怎麽形容,也只不過是隨口提起他的境況罷了嘛,他也不是唯一一個被提到的人啊,可是就是。。。啊~~我是小狗。一只胡亂吃醋的小狗。啊不對,是一只把自己浸在醋缸裏的小狗。拜托,那個看懂我在寫什麽的人,不要拆穿我。總之就是心情不好,所以才要把事情?吐?在我的blog裏,待會兒我才能專心讀書,畢竟考試快到了??
不過回到家之後,室友親切地說?你回來啦~餓了嗎?一起吃晚餐吧!?心情又被平復回來了,畢竟室友是無辜的,不可能叫她們看我的臉色吧?呵,突然覺得,是我的室友讓我的EQ提高了不少,可是這算是好事嗎?again,自欺欺人~

哈?哈?哈?

Monday 30 May 2005

coming~~

Haha, was actually studying just now, but then really got no mood to study more, everything just didn?t get into my mind, sigh ~~

By the way, today Yingtaat Kaixuan and Sinchen came to my place to visit me, as I have been pestering them for 2 days, haha ~ but then !!! again I got cheated by xuan and chen, as they AGAIN hid taat at nowhere, and gave me a big surprise ~~ well I don?t really mind, because I am happy enough to see taat, I have not been seen him for ? 6 months already!! Can anyone of you imagine you didn?t see your ? beloved ? ? darling ? for 6 months ? Not many of you can really tahan right? haha ~~

Hmmm? what did we do for few hours ? ok they came to my apartment for a while before going for lunch, because it was raining heavily this afternoon, and then we took some photos using my handphone ( somehow it has become my habit to take photo with people visiting me ^^ ) haha, of course lah, the photos with yingtaat were the most intimate photos, obviously :p but I am not that selfish, I am always willing to share my happiness with my friends, I will put the photos up here soon ^^ then we went to food avenue (again~) to have the lunch, then after that we came back to my apartment, spent maybe one hour? and they left for Low Yatt at 4 something ?

Everytime I will just feel so sweet whenever they come and visit me, even Pavi, my batchmate, said that all my friends are so nice, specially come over here and see me ? yeah true, I should feel honoured and glad for having such good friends ? suddenly I thought of the things Albert wrote in the class bulletin, is that really everyone in science3 so bad ? only his friends are hell of the great ?? ( sorry I didn?t mean to say something bad about Joe, Kwang Hong etc, they are nice obviously, but I felt so angry when I saw his writing, after being told by yonghau ? ) I do think that everyone in science3 is nice, ok maybe sometimes some of us might be abit mad, throwing tantrum at others ( yeah I referred me, myself ) but yet we all are just nice, who on the earth can be perfectly, 100% nice? NO ONE !! so should we be so calculative on whether other people treat us nicely, before thinking of whether we ourselves treat others nice ?

Well, back to my original topic ? for so long time in IMU, ok maybe not that long actually, yeah I found friends, but only FRIENDS, not those I can rely on, telling them everything about my problems, simply call anyone whenever I was screwed up?of course I do hope that I can eventually find them, but so far I still wanna rely on Kaixuan, Yonghau, Yingtaat, Weiteng, Siewmei they all, is it too much ? I don?t really think so ? in fact, if really possible, I wanna to rely on them forever, I meant it ?

and ?. yeah, hey for those who are not science3 students, yingtaat is actually not my boyfriend lah, I just simply wanna drag him down, haha~~ but he is a nice guy, not everyone can really tahan me who loves to pretend others? girlfriend, haha ~ seriously he is nice, so I really wish that he can find that most fortunate girl, who can become his lifelong partner ?

Do you know now what I am thinking ? I just wondered who will be the next one coming over my place to look for me ? will it be Yun mei ? or ? chuchu ? or ? whoever, I welcome all of you, since I have not been seeing you all for half year, or maybe after 11/06, come over Perling to look for me ok ? we may recall our sweet memory there, the long long train made of science3 fellows, which will never stop going ahead for our bright future ?

ok I think I had better go and study now, thanks for reading, love ya all ~~ ^^

Thursday 26 May 2005

2005/05/25 09:38pm

哈囉,我回來了~~

之前還在猶豫要用華文還是用英文打這篇blog,最後還是決定用華文??唉,畢竟華文讀者還是比英文讀者多的,sorry for not typing in English ? for Jocelyn^^

剛剛從新山回來吉隆坡,讀書假嘛,回家好好充電幾天,然後再回來努力衝刺,可是不知怎麽的,今天和爸媽二哥告別之後回到宿舍,我有一種我沒有離開過這裡的感覺,突然覺得在新山那幾天的記憶很模糊,我真的記不起來我做了些什麽,只記得?我吃了好多東西,三個月來爸爸答應我的要帶我去吃的餐館和小販中心,還有這幾個晚上都是靠在爸爸的大肚腩上睡着的,還有??好像就是這樣,很空洞,但是我當然沒有後悔回去,因爲無論如何,家都會是讓我最舒服的地方??雖然好象不曾回去過,可是回來了之後,我整個人變得很不舒服,可能??我想家了吧?可是也沒那麽強烈啊,聽到媽媽的聲音沒有想哭的感覺?我也不知道自己發生了什麽事,一點力氣都沒有,好累好累??很想哭,想打電話給凱旋,感覺他那裏會很熱鬧,可是我卻看不到他,有點沒勁兒的感覺,所以可能我也不會打給他了????啊~~我現在在幹嘛?報流水賬啊?

唉還是恢復理智的我好了。這兩個星期是我的讀書假,所以沒有意外的話這14天内我會乖乖得當我的大家閨秀,足不出戶,好好地撐過我的學期考,我就可以準備搬家,搬到學校正對面的公寓去,接著我就可以放心地回家渡過我的Long Vacation囉,哈哈,還記得好像才昨天,我還在擔心自己的統考成績會怎麽樣,結果現在,我就要完成一個學期了,時閒真的過得好快丫~~可是很遺憾的是,我真的覺得自己沒有成長多少,除了會自己洗衣服打掃把自己整理得乾乾淨淨,我好像還是那個少不更事的慧云,對很多事仍然沒有辦法處理得很圓滑,可能之前都被保護得很好吧,我好像不懂得怎麽很好地和別人商量,然後把事情處理好??唉~~

不說了,好累!不好意思哦,真的突然想睡了。。。晚安~